Broken dream

Its taken me up until yesterday to accept that its never going to happen. Not in my life time. Maybe in another, but not this one.

I've always dreamed of getting a book published. At first I wanted it to be the most popular thing, id see it in stores, people would recognize me and ask for my autograph. That id make so much money id be able to go down to part time at my work, staying on for the health benefits.

After being humbled a bit, I realized id be lucky to have a fan message me on social media and maybe have my book show up at Walmart. All while still working full time at my current job

After having my eyes opened further, I was just going to be happy to have a book published and be able to buy them for some friends and family. I would have been happy with that...

But there's no more settling. My dream will never happen.

I know alot of you will tell me that all I have to do is try harder to attract an agent with my work, but let's be real, there are only so many books published through agents a year, mine has a very, very low chance of this year or even next year or the year after that.

And the big thing, self publishing, will never happen. Im too far down the social ladder to ever be able to afford it. My life... all yhe things I do, no matter how hard I work or sacrifice, will never allow me to even try and save up.

I haven't even been able to go a full 6 months without needing to barrow money from cash time or cash 1... my wife suffers from a number of illments and cant work. She gets a disability check once a month, but it only covers a bill or two. I work full time but do miss some time needing to care for her. I do all I can to save and cut corners, but kife happens. Car problems, car repairs, ect. Nothing lets up.

I just had to face the fact that this will never happen for me, and so, im done. Im done writing. It hurts to much. To think I poured so much time and effort into my work, all the research, the videos on hownto improve myself I watched, the articles I read about tropes and techniques, and for nothing.

Im not writing this seeing out pity or words of encouragement. Im writing this here so its out of my head and in the open. For people to pick it apart and tell me 'yeah, dont get into the buisness unless you have real talent or money to back it up'.

Thank you all for your support before. And goodbye