Chronic need to have people I'm close with

I feel some shame in admitting this but I think one of my biggest fears in life is being alone. 
I know we're wired for connection as humans so it's natural but this feels different. This is the kind of fear that overtakes my being, makes me self abandon, choose from a place of not what I want but rather what will keep them in my life, almost like my sense of self is majorly dependent on the people in my life. If they leave, or there are arguments with them I will lose a huge part of who I am. It feels like I'm leaning on them and without them I'll collapse and never be able to get up. Like I'm only complete when I have people in my life. And my definition of people is 2- 4 people I'm close to and share a deep bond with. 

I'm at this point in my life where I see how limiting this is and harmful for my growth and building my independent sense of self. I'm constantly worried about them leaving, some friction happening, them becoming best friends and abandoning me, they cross my mind so many times in a day (in a way that interferes from me thinking about what I want independently, without thinking of how that would impact my relationship with them/ what they'd think) and influence my decisions in a sense

The funny part is, I think I'm an ambivert who enjoys and needs her alone time. I also understand that in today's day and age people have so much going on, life, responsibilities, dreams, nothing is constant and that people can leave and even if they don't they might not be what you want them to be or to the extent that you want. It's unfair to put that burden on them too if I'm being honest. I also have this irrational fear that I won't have newer people come in or to be close with since I'm in my 30's already, where am I even going to meet these people? 

Do you resonate? I want to get to a place where I don't make people the centre of my universe but rather have them around cause it makes me happy. A healthy want/ need that doesn't make me collapse without them. Got any advice? Always make it raw/real/unhinged