I’m working on a novel that will follow the narrator Cora from childhood into adulthood. The full story explores family, relationships, some abuse in parts, the ways childhood relationships shape our understanding of love and ourselves.

I haven't mapped out the full book yet. For now, I'm writing snapshot scenes - little moments, and stories that grab me - without worrying yet about how they might eventually fit together.

This piece is potentially the opening of the novel (or at least is the first scene chronologically), when Cora is ten years old and first meets the man who will eventually become her stepfather. The title is just a silly chapter title, haven't quite figured our what the working book title may be yet.

I’d particularly love feedback on whether Cora’s voice feels believable for a ten-year-old, whether this opening hooks you, and whether her childlike imagination / intrusive thoughts/anxiety parts work. Are the family relationships authentic? I’m also interested in whether the final scene gives you enough of a sense of what Cora is feeling. Any of the prose distracting or landing badly?

It isn't the most dramatic opening, but hopefully has enough intrigue to want to follow what comes next...

[1853] Crit

___________________________________________________________________________________________

The first time I saw him, he was running away. I didn’t even see his face, just a bald shiny head disappearing around the corner into the back of the kitchen. My Mum yelped when she noticed me standing near the bottom of the stairs and hurried through the living room towards me.

“Who was that man?” I mumbled as I rubbed my eyes. 

“Oh, nobody darling. It is so late, Cora! What are you doing up? You must be dreaming.” She was talking so fast as she shuffled me back up the stairs. I told her again that there was a man in the kitchen. I saw him. 

“You’re half asleep, sweetpea. Now, let’s get you back to bed.”

Did I see him? Maybe I didn’t. My brain liked making things up. Dreaming when I was awake was more fun than when I was asleep. Then you can always remember them. Sometimes you can even invent them! It was mostly nice things, like a swarm of butterflies carrying away my grumpy teacher. Or tiny kittens in my pocket. Sometimes bad things, like a car crashing into a postbox. Or my Dad tripping and falling all the way down the hill by our house. Well, by our old house.

I don’t know why we couldn't bring our beds from the old house. Mum said we would get all new things when we moved.  But the school year was almost over and we still had boxes shoved in the tiny room where my brother, Luke, was supposed to sleep. And we got giant beanbags instead of a sofa - Mum said they were more fun anyway! 

I could feel the lumpy carpet through the sponge chair bed. My hamster was scrabbling in her cage by my head. I leaned over and stuck my hands as far through the bars as I could and felt her little wet nose tickle my fingertips. Penelope Fluffball was my favourite thing about this place. 

We never had pets before, but since Dad left and we had to move into this crap house, Mum basically said yes to everything. Even though he was younger and not as smart as me, Luke figured it out before I did. He likes stuff, a lot of it. A gameboy, trainers, a super soaker - I hated that stupid water gun - Pokemon cards, a whole bucket of trolls… Mum finally said no when he found a live scorpion in the pet shop. But Penny, she was the only thing I wanted for my 10th birthday, so she came home with us. 

He was half slumped off a matching chair bed on the other side of the room, but fast asleep. I still couldn’t sleep. I plucked one of the beanie babies out of my bed and threw it at Luke’s head. Missed. I sacrificed one more… sorry Buttons! Bullseye!  

“Luke! There is a man downstairs!”

“Ow. What did you throw at me?”

A pillow came flying towards me. “Stop that. I am serious. There is a bald man in our kitchen.”

“What are you talking about?” He sat up properly and blinked at me. We looked at each other and ran to the bedroom door at the same time. We got to the top step and stopped. Running was too loud. We snuck down the stairs and peered our faces around the corner so we could see through the living room and into the kitchen. 

The man was there. Enormous! He looked like a gorilla. Hairy everywhere but his head. He spotted us and I knew we were going to be in trouble for getting out of bed again. Instead of pointing us out to Mum, who is facing the other way, he smiled. He brought his fingers to his lips. Shhh. I grabbed Luke and pulled him back around the corner to hide. My heart was pounding. I locked eyes with Luke. I didn’t have to say anything. He nodded and we peered around the corner again. The man was still looking right at us, laughing to himself. He winked and then grabbed my Mum and pulled her over to him. That’s it! We were done for. 

I couldn’t look away. We should have run back up the stairs. His face was getting closer and closer to my Mum’s. He was going to tell her we were out of bed. I could see it. He was going to whisper it in her ear. But he didn’t. He kissed her! 

We scurried back upstairs as fast and as quietly as we could. 

“Ewwww! She was kissing that gorilla man!” Luke was fake gagging as we closed our bedroom door behind us. We both giggled as he pretended to be a gorilla, stomping around the room and I made kissy sounds. 

Then we heard our Mum’s voice. “Get back into bed, both of you! Don’t make me come up there!”

We jumped under the covers and tried to muffle our giggles. She can hear everything in this house because it is so tiny. Luke fell back asleep quickly. When the laughter stopped, I could hear my thoughts again. I could see my thoughts again.

Vines grow out of my walls and up to the ceiling. Little monkeys swing all around, picking and throwing fruit. The giant gorilla swings open the doors and barges in. The little monkeys screech and hide behind me. Gorilla man has my Mum under one arm. He grabs Luke. They are both screaming. I am not moving. I can’t get to them. Don’t take them!

I blinked my eyes hard. I didn’t like that daydream. I pulled myself into a ball under my covers. I had a knot in my stomach and still couldn’t sleep.