Yearning to my grave

I just need to talk about this

I’ve been crushing on one of my friends for 5 months and we’ve been getting progressively closer over the last year

I cannot tell if they like me back or if I give signals for anything and we’re both the kind of people wear signals can maybe be misleading

At this point I’m just waiting for either me or them to say something but ugghh

We call for hours on end allllll the damn time now and we’ve been texting everyday for these last 5 months just talking, joking, learning more about each other, listening to rants, sitting and doing nothing, sharing pictures while otp

We live states away and are part of the same friend group and I only see them in person for events and party’s and I have flown to visit them a few months ago and stayed at their place and they cooked for me, took me out places to get food or see the sights,got us and art thing to do together, and we just spent some time doing

Last time we saw each other was at an event we bunked together for and just stayed up all night talking until they had to go catch a flight home

The more I learn about them the more I grow to care for and admire them as a whole. I can truly say with complete honesty they’re one of the most attractive people I’ve met but most importantly they’re effortlessly kind, stable, smart as hell, the biggest damn nerd, as stubborn as a brick wall, and I crave to learn more and experience them as deeply as possible

I’m supposed to see them again next month while taking a trip and they wanna go out somewhere there again soooo I guess that’s what I’m looking forward to next

I feel so delusional about this especially with my tarot cards seemingly encouraging it