my parents would not buy me christmas gifts

Christmas, when I was five years old was The Best Christmas. I remember receiving so many pink Barbie cars and toys. this was 2010 so lots and lots of Barbie was around and was a big thing. After that, I never received anything until the age of about 12/13. And this was because me and my sister profusely complained. And what we received was typically generic things that we didn’t ask for. As a child, I would make Christmas list each year and wake up to nothing. Yes, my parents make sure we have our hair done and had a nice church dress but those are things for performance, to show others that you’ve done a good job. I remember making up and lying about the gifts I received for Christmas.

My parents are super Christian and West African so Christmas is not as materialistic over there than in the west. But I still think it was cruel of them because we were children. They always felt like Christmas was too commercial and had lost its true meaning. But we were children. how they acted made me feel like we didn’t have money and I was always stressed out about if we’d be evicted or I didn’t want to ask them for what I needed. Turns out they always have had money and bought three houses in a two year span when i was about 11. it’s painful that my parents had the money and chose not to spend just a bit on us. Toys are not expensive and we weren’t in a recession like we are now.

it’s not about the money it’s about the consideration I never felt considered in that way. I always tried to affirm myself by telling myself that Jesus was the reason for the season.

But it’s not just a lack of presence that made Christmas difficult but it was also the constant arguing and fighting between my parents on Christmas Day. The lack of planning. Watching Christmas movies and seeing how magical Christmas was compared to a cold day at home. well, this is why I liked church and School because Christmas always felt magical in those places.

in my teen years I tried to reshape Christmas. I would invite friends over on Christmas Day so my parents wouldn’t argue in front of guests. I would ask them in advance for presents. I would buy them presents as well, so everyone felt like they were getting something. Last year I invited my friend to come over for Christmas Day. She has no family at all and they didn’t get her a present (i did). Nothing, nobody is exempt from their cruelty.