Just realized I really don't want kids

I just had a bit of a pregnancy scare. My period is late and for the last week I've been feeling really fucked up. Dizzy spells, on and off nausea, throwing up, brown spotting and abdominal cramps but no period and being tired all the time.

I have a copper IUD that I had put in April but my boyfriend was worried it was pregnancy. I can see why he was worried. He told me he had an ex back in his early twenties he accidentally got pregnant but then miscarried. He told me that a lot of the symptoms I was showing were like hers in the first trimester.

I never really thought about having kids much because I never thought I'd even be in a relationship in the first place. Until recently, guys just didn't notice me like that. The mere idea of me having a boyfriend let alone kidding pregnant with something I just didn't think was going to happen to me.

However, when he mentioned the similarity between her symptoms and mine I started getting worried. What if I really was pregnant? I started seeing pregnancy stuff popping up all over my Instagram feed and saw a pregnant dog on my way to the drugstore to get the test which only made my anxiety worse. I started thinking, "shit, shit, SHIT, how am I even going to afford to feed this kid? How am I going to raise it in a studio apartment? What if I'm worse than my own mom? What if I can't afford to send them to college when they grow up? Am I even going to have the energy to raise a kid? What if we and my boyfriend end up like my mom and dad where we start resenting each other after having kids?"

Let me tell you, while I was waiting for the results I was so nervous I almost puked. Thank God it was negative. We were both so relieved and are planning to go somewhere on Monday and celebrate.

I called my doctor and told her about what's been going on. My cycle has been sort of weird since I had the IUD put in - sometimes I'll have a couple days of spotting before my period actually starts and when it does start It's more painful and heavier than ever. Not to mention even worse PMS symptoms than I'm used to and sometimes it comes earlier or later than I expect. She said this is actually pretty normal when you first get an IUD and that my recent weight loss could also impact my cycle.

However I think this whole experience has opened my eyes to what I really want. Double income and no kids sounds pretty good. Maybe a dog or a couple cats, but definitely no human children.