My parents are 'pseudo-splitting-divorce', what should I do?

Seeking Advice

Hello! I hope everyone are having a lovely weekends, but if it's not, then I wish it shall spring back in a good fortune eventually. Basically as the title suggests, well, I'm unsure where to begin, it is a bit overwhelming so I sincerely apologize. Perhaps let's go back at the beginning.

 Im an immigrant SoutheastAsian Vietnamese with my mother whose married to my stepfather, a Canadian Vietnamese that's here long before us. Through marriage, me and my mom was able to migrated to Canada and lives here, and we have received our citizenship a few years ago. Oh the Land of Maple Syrup does have its subtle flaws and a capricious weather Providence, but I love it to death. 

Nevertheless, what is weathering is not the Chinook winds but our family relationship at home, which has progressively worsen over the years. Culminating in the present, with my dad hitting my mom in some brief domestic violence and in previous occassions, have my mom sleep separately on the floor. These were dismissed as things that just happens in a relationship and you just have to endure it; perhaps the frog in a boiling water does not leap because it is content with the scenario, but because it hoped that the water would cool down, because this is its home, and everything will be okay. 

 So after my mom has endured years of mercurial temperament and such 'events', alongside with my stepfather demanding my mom to pay a 15000$ debt to him, she has been planning to leave to a new 'home' dragging me with her, essentially a 'pseudo-splitting-divorce.' Oh, why the debts? It is because at the beginning of their marriage, they pooled their money together to buy a plot of land back in Vietnam, hoping that someone else would buy it to profit. Yet fate would have it, that the years gone by and nobody bought anything, while the maintenance cost and the property tax continously rose, and so the money keep funneling into a fat deficit sink hole. Even gaming with the stocks system would be easier than this. Therefore on the insistence of my dad that he demands to sell the plot away as soon as possible, and he felt scammed by my mother, he demands her to pay him back 15000$. 

So now in the present, after months of gathering funds and being in debts; she wants us to leap from this boiling pot to a new 'house', but of course the major issue is money when you said we are being in debts. And how can a single mother that speak a rudimentary A2 level of English survives, when there is the mortgage, the rents, the electric, internet, water bills to pay, foods, and various other amenities and basic furnitures? This is essentially near the verge of homelessness, as my father wants to kick us both out. And please dont forget the problems that biographies seldom mention because of 'social conventions', hygiene, showering, toiletry, clothes, heat, and laundry too. It is a bigger problem, because we are in the Great White North here. 

Stepfather now also want the apartment and the family car to be all in his name, so we are departing with clothes only. And we are supposedly need to move out ASAP in early Monday morning to the dilapidated house to shop for the essentials. 

So that's the gist of the story, I live in SE Calgary, so I implore for any helps, I ask, surely there can be some programs or such to alleviate the worrying matters? I sincerely thank you for any information or things I can do, even if it is limited. Thank you, and I wish everyone a nice day.

[PS: If you're wondering why isn't the laws involved or why haven't I prompted on any matters, or if my information is insufficient; it is because Asians parents are quite the damn vagueposters. It is the Asian ingrained customs, they're too scared to involve the laws, even if it is a messy business for them, because of the 'keeping face' culture in Asia, where they want to solve things privately or do things subtly so it keep their integrity, their 'honor', keeping their face. Thats why even through all this, there arent any official divorce, hence a 'pseudo/splitting'. 

As for me, I am unable to know much about the situation, nor am I able to change in any ways, is because of that very-same-old ingrained Asian culture too. I could talk, speak, beg, or scream at my mom or dad or break their 'face' or whatever, but none of it will matter, what goes in in one ear go out the other, only calluses remains. It is because in Asia, hierarchy is an important matters and not as lax and amicable as in the West. To them, it is it's as natural as the fact of nature that spilt blood only flows downwards, not up. Therefore I do not have the capacity to implore them for anything, even if I ask my mom to call 911 or any Alberta assistance programs.]

Posted Jul 25, 2026, 7:34 PM UTC

011
Loading comments…