Does anyone here struggle with romantic and platonic feeling identical?

I dont know if this is the right place to post this, as i dont know if I am aroace but ive explored the identity before. I dont know if I am or if im not based off of my experiences. I would like to add that i am autistic, and my feelings about platonic and romantic feelings being "odd" have been chalked up to me being neurodivergent so far in my life. I tried posting this on an autism group and didn't get much response aside from a recommendation to post here.

I really struggle with the fact that platonic and romantic connection feels identical to me. I dont only mean this in the "I cant tell if I like this person" way either, although I do know that is a pretty common experience in neurodivergent people. I have been stuck in that loop before, but I almost have the opposite feeling. "I cant tell if I really have romantic feelings for this person" because they feel the same to me.

I apologize in advance if this post is confusing, ive really been struggling with how to verbalize this. It will be a longer post, I apologize for that as well. Thank yall for bearing with me on this one.🩷

I experience romantic and platonic feelings in the exact same way, like getting into a relationship feels more like a choice of compatibility than a feeling shift realizing that I have romantic attraction for them. I feel the same way about any friend as I would a partner, and ive always felt very guilty for this. I love my friends aswell as anyone I am with extremely passionately, but the feeling I get with and around a significant other is identical to a friend. The only difference to me truly is the evaluation of if we would be compatible long term in a close relationship or not. If we are and they have mutual feelings, id enjoy a relationship with them and if not the friendship stays.

I have no inherit desire for the feeling of romance and I dont feel the need to be in a relationship when im alone. But I do I enjoy the closeness and what I am able to give to another person that comes from friendships and relationships.

My partner has no issues with me experiencing this, although they experience connection very differently. After getting to know them I desired a relationship with them because I thought they where a wonderful person whom I have very similar goals in life, opinions, and lifestyles too. I absolutely adore them and couldn't ask for anyone better we work through anything so well together and I truly belive we are compatible. At the time we started dating I considered myself Aroace because I was still navigating this strange feeling of not being able to differentiate romantic and platonic attraction.

We still desired a future together and could see us spending our lives with one another successfully, so we ended up in a queer platonic relationship. Eventually, they opened up to me about the fact that they definitely have romantic feelings for me which after a bit of processing didn't bother me whatsoever. For them, they experience the difference from romantic and platonic attraction strongly.

I was and am completely comfortable with being in a typical relationship, but i never felt that transition from platonic to romantic attraction. I never have, and I still dont feel like my connection with others is inheritly romantic or platonic. Like I said previously, it feels more like a question of "are we compatible enough to be in a long-term relationship?" If no, this doesn't affect me the way it would for alot of people when they are unable to date someone whom they have romantic attraction to. It simply goes back to the normal with them and the connection/attraction never shifts. But i would like to add that my platonic connection with people is generally considerbly closer than most platonic relationships i see. If yes we would be compatible and we do start a relationship, I also feel no change where I feel any more attracted to or more romantic feelings towards them but it also doesn't necessarily fit into the platonic box.

If anyone has any advice or has had a similar experience please let me know, ive really struggled with feeling both guilty and lost in this feeling. I apologize for any typos, grammer issues, or misspells. Thank yall for reading and listening to me🩷