I have no more hope in me

Hi, so this is going to be a long one. For all of my life I tried to be an optimist, I always looked forward with a smile but now I think it is over for me. I'm 20yo male and recently I lost a girl whom I begun to love. She was older than me and I found it hot and so did she but now out of nowhere she decided that it is a problem. yesterday morning she texted me that and since then I'm destroyed. She was my perfecyion, beautiful, funny, smart as hell and she would always listen to me rambling about my nerddy ass hobbies and somitimes would even aks me questions about them. She was even understanding of the fact that I was a victim of sexual violence from my ex gf and that made me mostly asexual (I never want to have sex but have no problem pleasing her, just never would start on my own and stuff). Now I dont know what to do, we go to the same gym which means there is huge possibility we will meet again and do I do then? I want to scream at her because Im in so much pain but also I want to fall into her arms and start crying and begging her to come back. When I asked what did I do wrong she said nothing except for one thing, Some time ago she told that she liked to increase emotions during an argument so my dumbass decided that whenever we would argue about something I would be emotional instead of rational as always in an attempt to let her get all emotional to not hold any hidden feelings and to contain her being angry etc and interestingly it worked. Turns out that it made her think that I am way too emotional because of my age and she didnt believe when I explained to her my intentions and I totally understand that. And now she ghosted me after I sent her many messagess trying to explain and to say sorry. I love her so much and because of my stupid actions she left me, that combined with a traumatic previous reliationship made me very sceptical of having a gf in the future. Lastly I dont know what to do, I am so f ing scared to lose her but I will not force her to be with me. Like I said we have the same gym and go there during the same hours. Should I try talking to her and try to make it work? Do I just act as iF i never knew her? What do I do?