i gave myself ptsd and now i can’t forgive myself (TW!)

about a year ago, i tried to die by cutting the veins in my wrist. ever since that say, i can’t look at my wrist without having a panic attack and going into a state of not being able to talk. my friends notice this and ask me what is wrong, but i always respond with “nothing” because they dont know what i did to myself. i dont know when my brain will stop doing this, or if it ever will. i am trying to get the scar covered up because of the stress it is causing me. i just can’t forget the moment that it happened. it makes me sweat to this day.