Guys I am freaking out. I keep posing on here but I having anxiety attacks. I'm scared I won't match as a med student

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Basically, I have failed one too many times in school. I repeated my first semester because I failed by one point. I then, I went on to destroy the first 2 yrs of med school. I was on academic probation and I could not fail again so I made sure that I didn't. Then, I ended up passing step 1 which is a pass or fail course.

Afterwards, I went into rotations where I ended up failing my peds rotation. I honestly no one is going to believe me but trust me when I say that it was very unfair. I was put on a PICU team where I was the only med student. I wasn't told how to present and the residents didn't have time to teach.

Often times, they would go see the patient without me and wouldn't make time to tell me their plans before rounds. Then the attendings never once met with me to go over feedback. So I essentially didn't know how I was doing until the end where they said I suck.

There was signs they felt that way to be fair. I was getting haze daily which came in the form of asking pimping questions. Nothing I did sounded right to them. I even had a resident tell me "you would get eaten alive in internal medicine" My only mistake is that I never reported. I tried to act mature and just get through the rotation. Little did I know they collected data against me.

Their reviews were terrible so I had to meet with the board again. They told me that I would have to go through the entire 3rd year without failing another exam or rotation. Keep in mind ever other student would get one free do over. Above all, I pass the exam which didn't matter since my reviews were bad.

So since last August, I lived in the hospital ward after ward, speciality after speciality. I knew I was cooked. Then, I had other doctors tell me that I was really smart. My FM doctor told me I was one of the better students he worked with. So it encouraged me.

I ended up high passing all my rotations after that. I even earn some recommendations letters from surgeons. I just finished my ped remediation rotation. They put me in complex care and I had to work twice as hard. They knew I was repeating. Ironically this time, I failed the shelf by one point due to me waking up daily at 5 am and working until 4 pm . I also have been studying for step 2 so I was tired as heck.

Luckily my student dead advocated they I deserved a remediation exam. Everything was riding on it and I had all of July to study for it. I didn't play outside at all. Just study for 12 hours. I took it Thursday and passed with failing colors. So I am officially off of academic probation. Most likely if I messed up, I would have been kicked out.

Now I am out rhe stirring pan and into the fire. I have to take Step 2 soon. My score on that exam is everything. I am projected to score 250 which is really high but who knows honestly. I also I have to get my app together for residency so I wonder would I even match?

Then I am also super single and alone. I had to make huge sacrifices to get this far. I put on 20 pounds. I don't have many friends. This year long journey is over but what this lead to?

I am willing to work an extra year just to match until my dream speciality which Ansethesia. I feel like it is meant for me and I pray to God daily. Every Ansethesiologist have told me you are good at this so who knows. But I can't introduce a girl to this lifestyle because I am screw up and with alot of uncertainty