I’m so tired

I’m 17M, and I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m not even myself anymore because I’ve spent so much time pretending to be happy when I’m not.
For context, I’m in Kenya visiting family. It’s not that Kenya is a bad placeI just feel incredibly alone. My friends are all back in the U.S. living their lives while I’m stuck here, and I’m not even doing anything that feels meaningful.

I’m helping my mom, but I never really had a choice. She’s the type of person where if you’re not on her side, you’re against her. She refuses to tell me when we’re going back to the States, and she even put all our eggs in one basket by moving us here. If we did go back, we’d barely have anywhere to go, and she doesn’t seem concerned.

I’ve only gotten to see my dad a little, even though I haven’t seen him since I was 14.

Lately, I’ve been venting to one of my friends so much that I’m worried I’ve become a burden. He’s a genuinely nice guy, so I don’t think he’d ever tell me if he was tired of it. I also told him how I feel like a “floater friend”people are fine with me being around, but nobody actually looks for me. I’ve always tried to be there for my friends, yet nobody checks in on me. But if one of the more popular guys in our friend group hasn’t been texted, everyone rushes to make sure he’s okay.
I feel alone almost all the time. My mom’s response is basically, “Suck it up.”

I’m 17. I don’t even have my driver’s license. I’m too scared to apply to colleges or scholarships because I already feel like a failure. Everywhere I look, all I hear about is everyone else’s achievements, and I’m tired of pretending it doesn’t affect me.

To make things worse, my corn addiction came back, and some days it feels like the only way I can escape everything. There are days when I want to cry because I honestly don’t like where my life is right now, but I can’t. I’ve spent so long numbing myself with my phone and video games that I barely feel anything anymore.

I’m just… tired I need advice badly