I cant recognise my own face

I grew up with severe body dysmorphia and problems with self image and I’ve reached a point where i cant really see how i actually look
I don’t know
I cant make a perception of my face in my mind no matter how hard i try
I spend hours taking pictures in digital cameras and phone back and front camera measuring distance looking at my face in old photos i even bought a “true mirror”
Still cant really see my face it’s driving me crazy. Does anyone experience this confusion?