MY AUNTS AUTISTIC HORSE HAS A 2 TERABYTES OF FEET ON HIS COMPUTER

So since i was little i've been living alone with my mom and when i was little she wasn't in a good mental state and sometimes she would yell at me. When i was around 6 years old she met this woman and then they started dating. Now they are together for 9-10 years.

When my moms gf moved in i was really happy but turns out she had deppresion and OCD, because of which she says she has issues with her temper. She never beat me or anything, but she would always yell, at me and at my mom of absolutely no reason. And she still does that. I thought it only started recently when i started noticing it but she was like that all along. My mom said she was really sad because of her yelling but now she learned to live with it. Now that i looked back i think it was a little messed up how she treated us. For example: i was around 7 years old and i had trauma of death (nobody died, my grandparents showed me really graphic detective shows on tv) and once i woke up in the middle of the night beacuse i remebered the death thing and started crying and was really sad and scared, so i came to my parents room and woke her up so she could help me somehow, buy she just yelled at me for bothering her. I know that it was a long time ago but she really didnt change at all. She still yells at us for meaningless thing.

When i was 9 we moved to a different city and still live there. Its ok, but i have to sleep in the living room, which im starting to hate cuz i have no privacy. I think like a year after we moved my mom and her gf got covid, thankfully they survived, so i had to stay in "my room" and i think i got addicted to my phone and even when they healed i was still in my room bed rotting and they started yelling at me for it. Not really taking me on walks with them, just complaining. After some time of not talking to them and staying in my room my moms gf got offended and stopped trying. When she told me that i had to work for our relationship to stay alive i was still mad at her and did nothing. Then when i started trying she didnt want to talk to me. It still is like that. So we havent talked to eachother in like 5 years in like a normal real conversation. But when i still do try helping her or asking what shes doing she just acts all nice to me but then i hear her complaining to my mom about me. Everything i do is not enough for her. Everything i do and dont do is a problem. I just hate hearing her loudly complaining to my mom about me. And i cant do anything about it cuz she said she wont listen to a child, but then she says that im almost an adult so i shouldnt be so stuck up and work for our relationship. Im so tired of this. However it would be better if she only yelled at me. I hate it even more when she yells at my mom for asking questions or forgetting to do stuff. At least i have a good relationship with my mom, i love her so much.

I dont want to only blame my moms gf for this, i think social media did its fair share, but she would also complain about how i look. That im too skinny and bonny, how i have small tits, how i look like a little child for being so old, that my nose is just so big and my ears stick out too much, how ugly i look when i dont smile. I just so much hate how i look. Last year in december i took a photo of myself and said that i really will improve myself, i was really doing it for myself cuz i didnt feel good in my own skin. So for month i took this so seriously, i got a haircut, ive been following a skincare and bodycare routine, i started eating more healthy. And for past couple of months i really wss starting to love my body and my face and i got more confidence. I took a pic of myself and compered it to the old one and i went from like sub5 to a mtb maybe even a htb and i was proud of myself. I finally felt that if i keep doing this i will find friends in highschool and maybe latter on someone will acctualy find me pretty and love me. But still sometime felt bad, like when i went for a walk and couldnt wear the shirt i liked but had to wear some that my moms gf bought me cuz she didnt think it was suitable for a walk in the nature. I always felt so dumb wearing that stuff, so humiliated, even worse when i met someone my age. Recently when i look in the mirror i start to see my "older" self. I just dont even want to go anywhere now. I feel like i can never find a way out of this mess with looks. Like i will never be pretty enough for someone to love me and be taken seriously by friends.

I also dont have any hobbies. Litteraly im just a waste of space. I dont do anything, now that its summer i do the dishes and clean my own stuff but thats almost nothing. Im only on my phone or my pc. Sometimes i go out with my friends and im really gratefull that i have them. I feel like our converations are real and when im with them i can get my head out of this mess. But other then that i dont play any sport nor do i do at home activities. And now im too embarased to start any sport/activity becuase i feel like im too old. I feel like i have wasted my life. Even when i 15 i still feel like i would be the oldest and most uneducated one in every class.

I would just end it, but im scared of death. And what about my mom. I dont want to leave her.

Is there any way i can still save my life?