Has anyone else experienced their husband’s sex drive disappearing after having kids? I feel rejected all the time.

I’m not really sure if I’m looking for advice, reassurance, or just a place to vent.

My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years, and we have two young children, a 2 year old and a 6 month old.

Before we had kids, we had a great sex life. We had sex several times a week, and we both had a high sex drive.

After both pregnancies, my own libido naturally disappeared for quite a while, but over the last month or so it has finally come back. Honestly, it feels just as strong as it was before we had children.

The problem is that it feels like my husband’s sex drive has completely disappeared.

I constantly feel rejected.

A few examples:

Most evenings we’re lying on the couch together. I’ll try to get closer to him, kiss him, touch him, and make it obvious that I’m interested. It usually ends with a little cuddling before he says, “I need to shower and go to bed.” And that’s the end of it.

Last week I made an extra effort. I put on some sexy lingerie, and we actually started having sex. Then our youngest woke up, so of course we had to stop. Once she was asleep again, I honestly thought we’d just continue where we left off. Instead, he said, “I still need to shower and go to bed.”

For the last couple of days, our oldest has been staying with his grandparents. I genuinely thought this would finally give us some uninterrupted time together. Our youngest still takes long naps during the day and sleeps well at night, so we’ve actually had opportunities.

But nothing has happened.

I’ve tried to initiate several times, but I just keep getting nowhere.

Another thing that really frustrates me is that whenever we’re sitting on the couch together, he’s almost always glued to his phone. It makes it really difficult to create any kind of intimacy or flirt with him. The same thing happens in bed. He scrolls on his phone, and after a while I just turn over and end up looking at my own phone.

It feels like we’re just existing next to each other instead of actually being together.

The hardest part is that I don’t even want to have to say, “Can we have sex?” We’ve been together for almost 10 years. I feel like my signals are pretty obvious. When they’re ignored over and over again, it doesn’t just make me sad, it honestly makes me angry.

Tonight was another example. Our oldest is still away at his grandparents’, we were lying on the couch together, and I thought maybe tonight something would finally happen. Instead, he got up, gave me a quick peck on the lips, and said, “I’m just going to play some computer games.”

And that was the end of tonight too.

I can feel this starting to affect my self-esteem. I don’t feel attractive anymore, even though I know this probably isn’t really about my appearance.

Has anyone else been through something similar where it was the husband who lost interest in sex after having kids? Did it eventually come back? How did you bring it up without turning it into an argument or making your partner feel pressured?