Overwhelmed

I’ve never really done this before, but I have some things I need to get off my chest. First, I have two great friends, and I trust them a lot. The problem is that I like one of my friend’s sisters, and I don’t know how to approach the situation without hurting my friendship with him or making things awkward with her. I know she probably isn’t interested in me, but I just can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t know what to do. I have gone to Japan with her family for 2 weeks last year and ever since I haven’t done anything to get closer to her. Second, I’m really socially awkward. I can’t do much without both of my friends being there, and I hate that about myself. If both of them cancel our plans, I usually won’t go by myself. I know I need to socialize more, but I just can’t seem to talk to new people. It feels like something is holding my mouth shut, and I feel like everyone is staring at me—to the point where I feel like I could start tearing
Third, I hate how emotional I can be. Whenever plans get canceled, I haven’t seen or talked to my friend’s sister, or I start overthinking things, all I want to do is be alone and cry. I hate feeling this way. I want to go out, meet new people, and make friends, but something always holds me back. Even trying to start a conversation feels like there’s a small ball stuck in my throat.Fourth, here’s an example. Friend 1 bought two tickets to a baseball game for us, but because he ended up having plans, he gave the tickets to Friend 2 and me. Today, Friend 1 texted Friend 2 saying he might make it if he got back early. Friend 2 assumed Friend 1 was going, so he didn’t tell me anything. Then, 30 minutes before the game, Friend 2 texted me saying he wasn’t coming because he thought Friend 1 was going instead. After that, Friend 1 told me he actually wasn’t going because he couldn’t make it in time. Iwas upset, but I was also nervous about going by myself. My friend’s sister crossed my mind, but I didn’t have the courage to ask her to come with me. I felt like a failure and completely alone. I’m still going to the game, but it just isn’t the same when you don’t have someone to share it with. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I want to be more confident, meet new people, and stop letting fear control me, but every time I try, it feels like something inside me pulls me back. I’m tired of feeling this way.
Thank you for reading, I know people will feel ashamed of me, I’ll take it. I know I can do better I just keep losing that grip of getting better.