Christian keeping the relationship secret

Hi, I am F(27) and I am very involved with my church as worship leader and other ministry as well. I come from a broken family where my parents aren’t Christians and I am the only one and I have been through things like many of us where I have experienced God’s love in places where often earthly parents would be involved. But since I am not very close to them, God is my parent.
Me (27) and him (21) started liking one another knowing there is a 6 years age gap. I was also aware but at the end after knowing him and his life struggles, I found him very mature and such a gentleman.
I told myself maybe I just have a soft spot for him but hey, at the end we both realized we like each other.
Out pastor found that out through other peoples rumours and was not happy esp with me saying I am a leader and I should not be involved either someone this much younger and would not set a good example. It was quite harsh but I understand his pov as well where he wants me to be with someone who is a bit older and walk with me on same spiritual level. So it was very chaotic. I was asked to completely stop talking to him (texting/calling) and was told need to honor the decision of the leaders. I honor and respect because I can see he meant good for me but I really like this person. I cried a lot cause I was told, being a leader and people knowing that I am dating someone much younger than me would affect the way people see me and my decision. Like it would not set ip a good example. That was one of the painful moment of my life cause I felt so guilty and shameful.
But we continued talking despite facing criticism and now we are dating in private but the guilt is killing me that I am dishonoring my leaders and their advise. I still lead worship and there are times I wrestle with God because I am an over-thinker and I am very sensitive. Like I have always been sensitive and my overthinking has affected me a lot in the past. Like I constantly needed to make sure I don’t make anyone angry or I am always thinking are they mad at me?, these kind of stuffs.
We are dating but we don’t meet often. We chat and we pray and have bible reading session. We meet rarely and have been praying over this relationship. But like right now I can’t sleep cause I am too scared that lets say after 3 years if mg bf goes and tell pastors he wants to marry me and disapproves and what if his reaction is like you lied and talked behind my back? I am scared dating in secret God is also nog happy and many blessings would be witheld. I am okay but some days I can’t sleep because of this. Like what if Pastor will be disappointed when we tell him in 3 years that we had been praying for one another, not mentioning we dated.