i wanna stop or die

.... i really don't know how to approach this topic (also english is not my 1st language so please don't mind any mistakes), and i feel like this has gotten to such an unhealthy addiction that i... i just wanna die..

i used to use mdd as escapism since a very very very young age, around 7-ish and until now (i'm 19) and even though i'm supposed to be escaping into my mind it actually just made me so fucking depressed. i keep going into this universe where i'm heard, i'm in control, i'm the one pushing the narative.. and it used to make me happy, but now the more i do it the more depressed i get and i. can't. get. out.

i cut off edit music, i cut off the things that i used to get ideas for senarios, I DID EVERYTHING that everyone said to do to get rid of mdd and it didn't work... why is that?

i also want to add that even though my life isn't perfect it's still good! like.. i'm studying electrical engineering, something that I LIKE!! i have friends that i love, i have siblings and a family that i adore and love.... and yet, i can't live and be present in my own life... a life that i worked hard for and i can't even live it. what's the point?

and the thing that makes it worse is that i'm self aware. i know that life isn't perfect. i actually LIKE that life isn't perfect and i love the hardships of life that let you grow as a person. so it really isn't a matter of me having the wrong mindset on life that i should change to get rid of mdd. i love my life AS IT IS, but i can'y live it. also i journal, i've been journaling for years now (way before i realised i had a problem with mdd) so i already have a place to dump my thoughts.

i really am just trapped in this... i just wanna stop. i have so much in my life to live for, why the hell does my mind want to escape?? also the daydreams being in english doesn't help (if you know about being not attach to a language and all of that, i don't wanna explain it though)

i literally made a reddit account just to talk about this.. please give me actual advise because i can't take it anymore, my life feels pointless if i'm gonna escape it all the time.... please help me