Would this make you lose intrest?

I’ve been with my long-distance girlfriend for months, and we’re finally supposed to meet for the first time in a week. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, but lately I’ve been losing interest because of a few things that happened.
She never cheated on me, and I want to make that clear. But she did things that really hurt me. About a month ago, I saw messages between her and a friend where she was talking about another guy, saying he was tall, muscular, handsome, and joking that she wanted to “bite” him. I confronted her, she cried, apologized, and begged me to forgive her.
I wasn’t perfect either. At the moment i was so angry so a girl I knew texted me, and I replied even though I knew she had a crush on me. Nothing happened, but I know I shouldn’t have entertained the conversation.
I tried to move on because I thought meeting in person would fix things. But this week, while she was traveling, I saw another conversation (she knows I have access to her Instagram because she gave me the account). She was telling her cousin that she and her friends had seen a lot of handsome guys during the trip, and she even said she’d delete the conversation before I saw it.
That completely killed my interest.
The biggest reason this hurts so much is because I’m extremely insecure about my height and my appearance. Every time I see her talking about attractive guys, it feels like proof that I’m not enough. It honestly feels like a weight on my chest, and I don’t know if I can look at this relationship the same way anymore. And i wonder why i still want to meet her even tho i know this relationship is dead fora ame ( By the way, she has done so much for me things that even my exes or close friends never did. She genuinely cared about me and went out of her way for me countless times.
That’s why I’m so confused. If she cared about me that much, why does she keep saying things like this? )