PSA: Don't engage with "lonely" women

This post is not anti-women. Really!

This is a Public Service Announcement for idiot guys (such as myself) who lack emotional intelligence and come across a post from a very specific kind of woman, whether here, or somewhere else, who seems to be looking for some kind of special connection that she just can't find... and she seems to be speaking to YOU.

She describes the traits you have, the kind of interaction that you are longing for... and it seems so, so right that you think yes, this is it! We are the same! I'm here! Lets talk!

And yet.. 99%+ of the time.. it's a trap!

Here's the public service part of this message:

If you are a guy reading this, part of emotional intelligence is learning understanding that most women live in a completely different social reality from 99% of men.

If you, as a man, are lonely, most of the time it's because - for whatever reason - people don't like you. You have a lack of options. So you reach out, hoping to find the people that do.

But the social reality for women is different.

Unless she is living in a cave with no phone service, she has options. If she is posting online, she has nearly infinite options. And if she is still lonely.. it's because she doesn't like - for whatever reason - those options.

Although you don't see it, before you came across her, she has already passed on hundreds or thousands of options. Guys of all different types, including those that perfectly match what she says she is looking for.

We, the idiot clueless guys reading her posts and reaching out with hope and trepidation, are no more special or unique than the scores of other men that have shown interest to her in the past.

Ultimately, it's not really about us, but about her. People (men and women) are complicated, and some of us are messed up, and a specific type of being messed up is a pattern of both desperately wanting and being deathly afraid of that thing you want, namely intimacy and connection.

The causes are complex, and beyond the scope of this post, but this particular behavior pattern is called "disorganized attachment" or "fearful-avoidant attachment". Read up all about it - it can save your sanity!

And 99% of the "lonely" women I have come across, both online and in real life, unconsciously exhibit this pattern.. and there is f-all you can do about it.

So when you see it, know it for it it is, hold fast, and avoid jumping in and playing the role of savior, because the only thing that will help her is some deep inner work, not the attention of us losers hoping to save her from herself.

Rant over.

P.S. Yes, yes, guys can be like this is as well, but when we post about our loneliness online people call us losers instead of offering to date us and help us.