Everything is dull and losing hope in my transition

vent post because im so frustrated with my life. Been dealing with anxiety issues and panic attacks after one bad weed experience and i havent tried smoking since. Sounds bad but life is so much more boring without weed and i dont really like getting drunk either. Ive just been working my boring ass job and then dooming online. I cant motivate myself to pick up my hobbies anymore and im losing hope in my transition. I spent 1 year of my transition getting hondosed because i didnt know any better and then stopped e for a while because of insurance issues and depression. Now im back on it but it feels so pointless to take so late now. I try to go out to events but nothing ends up happening and i end up going home feeling as empty as ever. The only good thing i have is my boyfriend but he had to move and is pretty far from me now. I dont even want to hang out with my friends anymore; its pretty clear to me they dont see me as a woman to be honest. they never will either, they knew me before i came out so i will simply just be a man who wants to be a woman. Its not like I pass anyway. Therapy and meds make me feel like shit, i feel like a lost cause. I dont even know why i try but i still do. At least i can buy clothes to make me feel better temporarily