Reading some threads on here about your past relationships and wondering what it’s like if someone loved me for that long

I’m (M,30) and i never been in a relationship in my life. I grew up a fat kid and spent majority of my life obese that affected my confidence to put myself out there and reflected in what I wore daily — sneakers, basic t-shirt, ungroomed hair, oversized sweaters) and so i never tried to put myself out there. I did have some hookups because i like traveling to different countries, one time I made out with a girl in Paris after we had some wine at a hostel and we talked about our lives, I met a French girl in San Francisco at a hostel and we went barhopping together, and while i was in France I met a girl who invited me to her place after we met outside of a bar.

I have some other nice stories from my travels but considering it was traveling, it was only gonna stay as hookups.

I went to Georgia (the country) two years ago and flew out to Azerbaijan for a weekend because I was talking to a girl whom I met on Twitter a few years prior and had a crush on her. To make it short, I was simply not acting normal (i didn’t hurt her) and pressured her into wanting a relationship that she didn’t like that all and we stopped being friends. I felt bad about it and vented to a friend in Georgia (who i also met online) about what happened.

That moment put me into a depressive episode as i was 28 and reflected on what made me act that way to her and all my 20’s was not having someone love me for more than just a best friend, missed opportunities because of my lack of confidence, being obese that others can see that i don’t take care of myself, being lazy and always taking time off work, not taking school seriously and dropping out of community college, losing a lot of my friends because our lives have different paths and no longer getting to hang out with them as frequently as we want to.

These introspection convinced me to go to therapy for a year and my therapist was really kind and helped me with what I was going through.

I’m back in school for Accounting and about to transfer to a university next semester, I’ve lost 120lbs since 2021 (i could’ve lost it sooner had i had better eating habits which is a prob now), and this year i’ve been trying to go out more and have had great success because I actually met someone while i was in Detroit over Memorial Weekend for a festival.

I met her (F,34) at an afterparty on a Thursday night after my friends dropped me off to go to another afterparty. We really hit it off and took her to other afterparty parties throughout the weekend and it was so fun being with her. We’re still talking up until now and I bought another plane ticket back to Detroit because i want to visit her for her bday as it’s 3 days after mine. When i told her my plans about coming back, her excitement was through the roof as if she was begging me to come back in an endearing way.

What made me want to post in r/breakups was when we were talking at the afters, she mentioned she was in a relationship for 9 years when she was 21 and remember her saying she didn’t know what she was getting into. Part of me makes me think about how a relationship can go for that long and still end with no marriage or a kid. I’m not jealous of her ex because how do you not marry her in that time or have a kid, but I am envious of an experience of love in your 20’s when you’re a few years into being a legal adult and learning about the world together. That’s something I wish i had with someone. Friends and family can offer a similar experience but not to an extent of a lover in a relationship

For any of you here who has been in long term-relationships, what happened between you two that you couldn’t continue being together after so long?

I really like this girl and it seems she likes me based on how we connected at the parties and the quality of the messages we have been sending each other since i left Detroit, any advice for me would be helpful.