"What does it take to get you to respond?"

Hi darlings! I hope everyone's weekend is going well.

I've been getting quite a few questions as of late about what it takes to get me to respond to a DM from a submissive, because to be honest I truly do not respond to them terribly often. Sometimes it's because I am busy, sometimes I tell myself I will later and I simply forget, sometimes it's some completely ridiculous horny fueled one handed jerk off material, sometimes I am just not open for more social interaction cause I'm burnt out, and sometimes it's just simply not memorable enough for me to think back to once I get the time.

So, I wanted to share what it actually would take to get me to genuinely feel enthusiastic about responding to an initial DM from any submissive, or really anyone for that matter.

Why? Because I think maybe perhaps other dommes may be able to relate to my sentiment and I would like to open up a discussion about it because I am curious to hear other's perspectives (because I like yapping okay), as well as maybe some subs might find this helpful if they are not getting any responses from dommes who might be feeling the same way I am.

To preface this, I feel it's relevant to point out that I do NOT require a tribute to DM, so that doesn't affect my decision making, and I am speaking only from my own personal perspective and experience, so take it alllllll with a grain of salt.

So firstly I would like to share some examples of some initial DMs that I have been more than happy to respond to.

One message was to reach out to let me know that they have been lurking (they preferred to call it observing) my profile for some time, had seen a lot of my posts around the community and thought they were pretty funny, and "worth observing". They offered to gift me a book and requested to ask me a question. Their question was what board game I played over the weekend (because they had seen me make a comment about it) They included AV in their initial message. They expressed that in that moment they were not looking for anything more than to ask me a question and express appreciation for my posts. We simply continued talking.

Another one opened up their first message with a fun little poem they wrote about how they have also been seeing my posts around, they complimented my wit and my shibari. They also included AV in their initial message. They asked how I got into shibari and kink and we both shared our experiences in a very friendly and thoughtful manner.

I had one send me a funny picture of a meme that they told me made them think of me and something that I had commented some time ago. They included AV in their initial message.

These are just a few that I can think of that off the top of my head that I responded to and have had extensive conversations with these people and played with some of them.

Do you notice a pattern in these examples?

You may be thinking "They included AV in their initial message!" which wouldn't be incorrect, and is always expected, but that isn't why I responded.

Each of these people I felt approached me as a *person*, before a domme.

They didn't come to me telling me how hot I am (I know, and I still love getting those messages cause they stroke my ego but I likely won't respond to them) they didn't come to me telling me they want to "serve me", they didn't come to me asking to be stepped on or called names. They didn't come to me expecting my dominantion.

*That* is what got me to respond. Their ability to approach me in a thoughtful, respectful and human manner. As one person to another. Not a sub looking to be dominated, expressing some sense of false idealized "devotion" or "servitude" to someone they've never spoken to.

My domination *is* a gift, I fully believe that and stand by that. Just because I don't do long term here doesn't mean my domination is given out lightly to anyone who wants it. Nobody is *owed* it, not for any price.

It is earned by showing the ability to perceived me fully as the human being that I am beyond some role or label, rather than a fantasy, and by offering something that is more valuable to me than a couple bucks or a couple of dopamine fueled words of fantasy; genuine good, fun, interesting, thoughtful, easy conversation. Show me you are not only interested in *me* as a person before a domme, but let me see *you* as a person rather than just another sub. Give me some personality, some humanity.

Now, that being said, I don't doubt there any many dommes here who prefer to be approached by a sub who is already "on their knees", so to speak, with tribute and AV in hand, and ready to submit to their will right off the bat. That's alright. There are also some who simply do not care about the person behind the submission, to each their own; that's just not me.

So what will get me to respond? Tell me a joke, send me a picture of your pet, send me a meme, ask me a question about myself. Don't just tell me you've been "lurking", telling me what you saw that made you want to reach out, tell me how you resonated with something I said. Open up a space for conversation between one human being and another.

If I cannot connect to a person on that level before anything else, I cannot connect to them on a kink level, not even for casual sessions.

The only time I'll respond to a "step on me godes" message or anything like it is if I am home alone, ovulating and all of my toys are conveniently dead or out of operation for one reason or another. That's a very rare occurrence.

Anyways, that's just some of my own personal experience and perspective on the matter, since getting asked recently made me think about it some, but I would be very curious to hear from other dommes in the space, what does it take to get *you* to respond to an initial message?