I’m (28f) starting to feel like my girlfriend’s (34f) mother. How do I not snap at her at this point?

As the title says, I’m starting to feel like my girlfriend’s mother. It’s starting to get to a point where it’s extremely frustrating, and I feel like I’m losing my feelings for her. We’ve been together over a year now, and I’d say we’ve lived together for about half of our relationship.

I constantly have to remind her to do things, how to do things, or she will do things without communicating with me. If I leave for work and I give her ONE THING to do, I will get back home to her playing video games, ask her if she did the thing, and then be extremely disappointed that she did not do the ONE THING that I asked her to do.

I will tell her “hey, please put this thing here because…” and it’s like she’s not even there? I will ask her if she heard me tell her where to put something, and it’s like I’m just invisible and we never even had a conversation.

Another thing that irks me is she will put things in completely wrong places, like clothes. It’s not like it’s hard to look in drawers, see where things are, and then put things where they belong.

This one is kind of embarrassing, but she forgets to take care of herself. I have to remind her to brush her teeth, shower, etc. to her it’s just no big deal? Like it’s okay?

I even bought one of those magnet white boards for us on the fridge. It was useless. She puts notes and reminders in her phone. Also useless.

I just don’t know what to do. I have already had the conversation with her about these things. I’m starting to get snippy with her. I’m starting to wonder if she has some type of health issue. Even if she did, she wouldn’t go to the doctor for it. I know she has ADHD, but she also isn’t medicated for it. I know that they say ultimatums are wrong to give in relationships, but I’m at my wits end with her.

I’d also like to add that she’s super sensitive. This is another thing that puts a damper on things. I feel like I have to constantly watch how I word things, anytime I’m upset or cranky she just accuses me of being mean. I might be a little mean, but I wouldn’t be as mean if I didn’t have to constantly parent my own child, plus her. I just don’t know what on earth to do? I’m thinking about going back to therapy (which I hardly have time for) so that I can talk to a therapist, and then maybe bring her in with me so that I can communicate in a more healthy manor and make her realize how serious I am about these things.

I feel like overall, it’s probably the ADHD that is causing her to be like this. I am thinking maybe I really need to put her foot down and tell her just how bad this is stressing me out. I’d also like to note that I only used a few examples. I could honestly go on when it comes to her.