I dont know what to do.

I am not doing ok right now and im just looking for some clarification. So im just gonna word vomit really quick. I am really not sure how this works at all. Im kinda newer here but im really desperate for some help or advice. Here goes nothing. I am tired. I am really just exhausted emotionally and mentally. I have 3 kids, all of which I have caused immense damage to. For reference I have bipolar, and I have been an addict since my 20s. Im 40 now. My oldest two live thier dad primary and my youngest is 5 by a different dad who died and he lives with me. I am really not sure what to do here. I feel like guilt is nessisary and even healthy. But my guilt is and has always eaten me alive. To the point I feel so drowned In it and the pain physically mentally and emotionally I can only focus on it. And idk all my family has in one way or another (usually by my own bad actions) either said im exhausting or a burden. A long time ago my dad said something along the lines of "if your the common denominator than maybe you should Iook into it" and it was right. I am genuinely not sure HOW to change. And I know thier are things that I CAN be doing. Im medicated and I have been in and out of therapy pretty much since I was a kid. I really dont know how to get rid of this pain and I really dont know how to but I would do anything to escape it. And I really DO love my children more than life itself and my friends. I am fed up with being the issue. And as far back as I can remember drama has always followed me. (Hint: im the common denominator) but again, I dont know HOW to be better. I know that sounds stupid but please, someone tell me how to quit hurting these loved ones and how to I escape this blanket of guilt that lives in me daily. I am not Trying to be a selfish person here and focus on my own guilt I DESERVE and my OWN PAIN but ill be honest with you, I really dont know how not to. It is debilitating. And Im not sure what else to say. Please. Any advice would be immensely appreciated