fake optimism isn't helping me cope anymore... i've lost.

ive tried to keep a positive outlook on life even at my worst periods. coping this way worked. people keep telling me lies. there's light at the end of the tunnel. it'll get better. ive believed all of it and even thought there's a chance for me.

but it's been years. it hasn't improved. everything has only gotten worse. just living has become a pain.

stuck in a job i hate with toxic colleagues. burnout to do anything when i come home. rinse and repeat. live for the weekend isn't a thing anymore. just a chance to rot in bed for a bit longer.

its so hopeless.

but I still dont want to die. which is the worst part.