My father is gay and my sister does self-harm and my mom don't care and i think about killing myself all the time

Guys i'm thinking of ending it all I just don't know what i'm doing in my life I always thought my family was perfect And everything was fine till it was the two weeks before my final exams (which are the exams that's gonna decide what i'm going to work for the rest of my life they are the result of studying for 12 years ) I saw my father serach by mistake and he's using tinder and looking for gay boys I checked his google search and it was full of gay porn and he's cheating on my mom and i can't fucking tell her because

they have FIVE kids and i can't ruin it all And i'm sure she'll just ignore it just like when i discoverd my younger (13 yo) sister did self-harm and told her ( which was days after discovering my father is closeted gay) and she ignored it completely even though i gave her eviedence she just don't give a shit

and now my sister has deep cuts on her arms which i think are gonna be there for the rest of her life I tried to talk with my sister but she didn't listen to me And i also discoverd my other sister which is 12 has a girlfriend whixh is snot healthy in this age and she draws nsfw stuff

Oh btw and my father is sexually assulting his co-worker i saw it on a video in his gallery I'm so disgusted i cant stand him I just want to disappear

And I live in a hyper-religious country and im a girl so these exams are my only way to be a seccussful person and i failed them and now

My parents fucking hate me

And i have a month only to fix my grades And if i don't make it i'm gonna have to retake this grade and

its fucking hell

Not to mention not having any friends and my partner breaking up with me for not believing in god I can't study anymore i have derealizetion and i feel like i'm not in my body it's like i'm watching someone eles's life Im drowning myself in social media and internet I cant study And i miss humans so bad i haven't had a friend for almost a year and a half I miss having people to love me

Because Even my family dont want me anymore they think im failling them :'(

I' so desprete for love so I keep trying to have people attention and i even text strangers to tell them nice things or comment nive stuff to have people attention I even write longgg paragrphs to people i don't even know so i can have a simple thank you I'm just ​lonely and sad and i can't stop being sad I want someone to reach me but it never happen

And Even if i go out i feel sad all the time and i feel guilt for not staying home studying :'/ I cant enjoy anything in my day Even sleeping became a nightmere I cant ​study and i NEED to I cant replay this hell of a year Please tell me what to do Im so sad i want to be in peace and end it If i kill myself i wont have to think about any of these stuff And since i live in a realigious country I wont even be free after finishing exams I have to wear hijab by force I have to pretend ​like i believe or else i'll be killed I cant travel since girls cant travel Just what am i supposed to do And if i was to convince myself im okay with ​not being free i'll have to live with my father with is a sexual assualter and my mother who dont care and my sisters who are suffering so whats the point of living

I tried to go to therapy but my parents won't allow me they think it's a shame and said i can talk to them about it but how can i dare to talk with them when they are my problem

And whars worse is i feel like im faking everything because i shouldnt feel sad i have a home and running water and food but im still sad

Am i seeking attention?

I might as well just end it and feel better

It's isn't even that hard i have the pills i can take them and sleep. and never wake up again

I can't stop thinking about it every time I pass by the pills i keep staring at it and questioning if i should do it or not

I also keep imagining killing myself before sleeping

I imgine putting a gun in my mouth

Or putting my head somewhere tight until it explodes

Or being stepped on until i become a part of the firt

Ot jumping off the bridge and drowning

Etc

I was thinking I'm gonna finish this grade and start working and travel oot of this fuckass country

But can i do it when i can't even study for the finals?

Ending everything is alot easier

And i always thought it was weird that we were known for having alot of suicide cases in this specific age in my country but i think i get it now.....i think being one of these cases won't make any difference in the world