How can I continue? I’m drained…

Been looking for a job for 1.5 years.

Got pushed to quit my role when I pushed back on my managers obvious racism and discrimination. They gaslight me for months and months telling me my experiences and my reality is not true and real. I ended up in a psych ward after quitting… (also dating men and my therapist abusing my trust and asking me on dates and then threatening me when I refused her contributed)

Somehow got back up again. Sold my entire life and moved in with my sister in another city. Lost all of my friends.

Worked as a cashier while still applying for roles in my career path (design). Finally landed a (as needed) contract for 16 months. No guarantee of work beyond the first 3 months.

Still kept looking. I finally had an interview for my dream job in my favourite company in the country. Had 3 rounds and aced them all. And when I was waiting for a job offer, I got this instead:

Hello (my name),
Thank you so much for your time and patience throughout our interview process. We’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and reviewing your work.

To be transparent, a few of our upcoming project timelines have shifted into later in the year. Because we want to ensure that our new hires can dive straight into active client work from day one, we have decided to temporarily pause our hiring process until those specific timelines kick off.

We are incredibly grateful for your interest in (their company). We would love to keep your portfolio on file and reach back out for either full-time or contract opportunities. Please let us know if this would be of interest.

Warmly,

I thought I’ll be able to move out of my sister’s finally after 9 months… I’m drained and don’t have it in me to apply for jobs again… I’m having suicidal thoughts… how do I continue?