38 yo, f, living in survival mode, undiagnosed ADHD, only comfortable around neurodivergence but recognize it's limiting

Hi all. I want friends but it's hard to engage in the few interests that I have so that makes it hard to socialize so 30s and 40s mingling groups on Meetup are out of the question. Anyways, the trivia night I attended awhile back, the topic turned to literature and I couldn't make myself speak up about the book I was reading.

The topic I'm most interested is that I don't understand people. But even at the "social anxiety" groups I've attended, those ppl always have more going than I do; talking about walking their dogs in the mountains... Can't relate. I do very little cause I've been in survival mode ever since I left high school.

I like art, books, music, video games, sci-fi and horror, reaction videos.

I was hanging out with an autistic girl for the past couple years, but it was borderline toxic. She said I was "taking too long" at the amish market when we'd been there like 5 minutes and at the renaissance festival, she snapped at me for complimenting so many people's clothes. She hated being bored. There was a woman at work who seemed down to earth, but I could tell there was autism and now I can discern that we were not gonna be compatible as far as the life I'm desiring. I want someone to do fun things with and be genuinely interested when I speak.

I'm planning on going on a hike tomorrow.