i don’t want to be muslim anymore how do i tell my mom

im 13f turning 14 in september and my mom is very religious and strict even her own family and friends consider her crazy but recently i’ve started to not believe i’ve been doubting islam for years and i think i might be atheist but im too scared to tell my mom cause she says atheists are kaffir and mentally ill i also found out im attracted to girls but she says she’d disown any of her children who turn out to be gay and marry someone of the same sex i don’t know what to do she also makes me wear the hijab i’ve been wearing it since i was 8 i dont want to wear it anymore but anytime i try to express that to her she starts crying saying her dying wish was for me to be a good muslim and go to jannah it makes me so envious seeing people who get to freely live their life without shame and having supportive parents everyone i know pities me cause they know how my mom is she always talks about how she’s so excited for the day men start proposing to me and my wedding with a man i dont know how to tell her im so terrified for the future i dont want to disappoint her but i dont want to live my life like this if anyone who went through something similar has any advice please help me i dont know what to do