I'm severely disappointed in my friends

Like many people i have multiple friendgroups, one of which is mainly women with only one exception aside from me. One of them is someone ive grown up with, but the others were also people ive grown up next to, just didnt interact with them alot. All of my friends in that group have mental problems, and most have issues with their parents. I wont go far into detail though. But specifically three friends of this friendgroup will avoid conflict at all costs and will endure hurt in a loving relationship, gaslighting themselves into ignoring it until its too much or it goes away. And i often have problems not accidentally hurting peoples feelings, i typically go by what wouldnt hurt or slightly annoy me and act according to that. I have learnt a lot but im still learning. I am neurodivergent and am often very honest or literal, or i have a crude/dry humor. I also hold myself to a very strict standard of morale, i like doing the right thing, i hate hurting people on accident and i need the feedback to improve. The hopes of me eventually just "getting it" without external feedback and changing are typically futile. After ive adjusted towards a behavior i now see as okay, i think about it a lot less. One could see how those styles of communication dont fit together very well. My friends met up a couple moths ago, and were talking, i wasnt there. They realized the actual hurt i had caused them. Nothing exceptionally bad, but many small things that, due to never being adressed by them, accumulated. They apparently decided to tell me as soon as possible, and made a group chat without me for planning and support. Which at some point apparently just turned more into gossip about me, or as a general use group chat than anything else. They met without me, and if i would be there, they'd met earlier than me to prepare for me, everybody except me was in on it, so a total of 5 people that i trusted. They lied to me, hid from me, spent time without me. For 2 whole months. In those 2 months, there was the birthday of the friend i grew up with. I was invited but didnt wanna come, because my friend had told me a person there, i barely knew, was uncomforable with me being there. I later talked to that person, it was an honest misunderstanding, though i suspect my friend had just told me that as an excuse to make me not come to her birthday. She texted me, how its sad im not gonna be there and she would like me to. I said i could come but felt unwelcome. On her birthday, in the evening, i thought f it, shes my neighbor and best friend, i can just go there give her some chocolate, wish a happy birthday, then go. So i did, but as i was about to go back home she said she was surprised, i was leaving, she thought i would stay a little longer. I, once again, explained my discomfort. After a half hour of fighting my discomfort in the entrance area, i joined the others. When most people had left already, there were only people left that i knew well, and they would spend the night. I was invited to stay over too, i agreed happily, and went to get my sleeping stuff, pyjamas and such from home. I returned to a dark house. They had, as i later learned, pretended to be asleep to make me leave, and the father of my best friend, who has known me for years, stood at the door like a bouncer. He seemed to think he was protecting his daughter from danger by warding me off in an unfriendly manner, telling me (not true btw, he lied/misunderstood) his daughter told him to not let me in. There was the unspoken threat of physical violence in the air, as you would see from a bouncer crossing his arms, not letting a loud drunkard into the club. One of three friends that were most hurt by me eventually told me with the agreement of the others of this whole thing. That was one day before her birthday, to which i wasnt invited. I felt very guilty, ashamed and frustrated at my own failure of being the person i aspire to be. But i also got angry, and felt betrayed. Eventually it all faded into disappointment. I know for a fact, if i had been in their shoes there would've been no way i'd have acted the way they did. I've been in similar situations, and i never even thought about doing something like that. They knew what was right, had plenty of time and opportunity, but instead of being honest, they chose to create a false reality around me and maintain it. Something so spineless, dishonest and weak, something so cowardly, is something i really never thought they'd do. After all, up to this point i had respect and trust for each and every one of them. Even if i fix this mess, because i KNOW they wont act, it will be me reaching out, i don't know if i can ever trust them, or respect them the way i used to. I don't know if i can be friends with them and respect myself at the same time. It's not about the thing itself, but how they handled it, and how easy they overrode their own morals, and the relationship to me, by the comfort and joy in a shared secret.

Have any of you ever experienced something like this?

PS: I understand why they did it, i know what led them to make their choices, but i am just disappointed they would do such things so easily. And i wanna make it clear, they werent afraid of me in the sense of id hit them if they talked to me about it. They were afraid of the general conflict or possibility of conflict involved with adressing such an issue.