Its 4am. I have Sinned & I want to Change.

I don't really know why I'm writing this.

For a short period of time, I genuinely felt close to Allah. I started praying consistently, going to the masjid, making dua, and for the first time in years I felt at peace. I wasn't perfect, but I genuinely believed Allah was guiding me. Then when life became stressful again. I slowly stopped praying, isolated myself, and started feeling incredibly lonely. Instead of getting closer to Allah, I found myself falling back into sins that I thought I'd left behind and the thing is that that I barely feel anything anymore. At first I felt guilty. Now I just feel numb. I keep sinning, and now i am just "i believe in God but i am gonna sin".
Ik thats Kufr, but i feel like my soul is lost, its not pure anymore. It's like my heart is locked. I still believe in Allah, but I don't feel close to Him anymore. I keep wondering if I've gone too far or if my heart has become too hard. Loneliness has become a huge part of my life. Seeing other people with close friends and support while feeling like I have no one has affected me more than I realized. I felt alone ash, wanted to kill myself. I know this probably sounds dramatic, but I genuinely miss the person I was when I was praying regularly. I miss feeling peace. I miss feeling hope. And i really really really wanna change, i am writing this but i know tomorrow when i wake up ill not change. But i really want to. So please someone please help me. I dont want advices like, "start praying". No i want to feel loved by God, all my noor from my face is gone, i dont smile, i am always angry, i am lost.
I tell my friends but i literally got no friends i can open up to, i literally have no one to talk to about this.
And i really want to change.
So please, help me.
Tell me how do i cut the rope that keeps pulling me back to Dunya.