Questions for my fellow olds

Longtime lurker, first time poster. I'm in my mid-40s, AFAB, married to a man, kids. I live in a liberal area (by USA standards) and work in a casual environment. I'm never pressured to wear dresses or makeup, "be ladylike," etc. We have many queer friends and two of my kids' best friends came out as NB just a few months ago. We're close with the families and they've been so supportive, it's really wonderful to see.

I guess agender is the label that resonates most for me. I just wish I'd learned it 20, 30 years ago. So many things make sense this way: I used to wrap ace bandages around my chest back in middle school. (Thank god for the grunge era, a big flannel shirt hides everything). I even got a breast reduction in college; I remember asking the surgeon to "remove as much as possible" because I didn't know top surgery existed. That doctor refused and talked me into going down to a C cup "to look proportionate." I did it because I thought being smaller would be enough. I was wrong.

But the thing is, I live where I live, I have queer friends, I'm online a lot. Maybe I couldn't have figured it out as a teenager, but surely I could have a decade ago. Or more. At this point I'm not sure I have anything to gain from telling anyone. I don't love my name, but it's a family name with a lot of meaning that I wouldn't want to lose. I just don't know. I've been increasingly depressed lately and I think this is part of it, for reasons I don't quite understand.

Has anyone here who spoke up in their 40s/50s/60s and beyond found an effective way to explain to loved ones why you waited so long? What if anything changed for you by going public? And do you think I run the risk of coming across like I'm creepily copying my kids' friends, which is a mortifying thought I had just now because my brain hates me?