Here's the super long, everything you need to know version. Exactly what to expect. 

Hey, I'm (now 41) m, former college professor, published poet and author and business owner looking for a 24/7 sub to mentor, dote on, care for, and receive appreciation from. I would describe my Dom type as soft maledom or caregiver. I'm looking for submission earned from appreciation for my firmness, steadiness, care, love, and attention, not from domination. 

I want your head on my shoulder or my chest. Someone who can be vulnerable in my arms not just for sex, but in all ways. Who doesn't run away but toward me when she cries. Or, if she hides, it's because she wants me to find her, pick her up off the floor, wrap my arms around her, and snuggle under the blankets with her. 

I spent most of my life in a monogamous relationship with an adhd partner who also struggled with sensory issues and overwhelm, especially after finally starting full time work later in her life. That marriage unlocked in me a real desire to provide structure and care to someone who benefits and shows appreciation for it. But the loneliness that came when she hyperfixed on work also taught me that I want a relationship where we are the couple who rush home to see each other / anticipate the others arrival and have care, fun, and intimacy to look forward to all day.

I know I want a long term relationship again, but, after 20 years with the same partner, I'm not adverse to exploring something temporary first before finding my forever sub. 

I am NOT looking for long distance or online only dynamics. I've had a few, and I've found without someone in my arms regularly, I am not content in a relationship. 

Some things I've learned I have to offer:

I've got a pretty good voice and feel like I know what to say (especially after I get to know you). I recorded some audios on another profile and got some pretty... Let's say... Enthusiastic feedback. If you want to know what I sound like and my style, you can check reddit for a profile with the same username I'm using here minus the "K." It will give you a pretty good idea if we're compatible. 

I'm emotionally intelligent and understand different types of personalities. Thoughout years in creative writing workshops I've written a variety of women character points of view with my female classmates always commenting on how authentic they feel and how I really understood something they connected to. My thesis director said I wrote women better than most women who came through the program. 

I'm strong. You're not going to see my abs, but you certainly will see my biceps and broad shoulders. Kind of a dad bod you can snuggle in to. I have all my hair (it's brown with just a little gray starting in). Green/blue eyes depending on the day and light. Thick beard, brown with a little red and just starting to get some gray on the sides. Naturally not much body hair. Don't wear my professor wardrobe every day anymore, but will put on a dress shirt when I take you out and roll up the sleeves past my forearms as we get closer to home 😉

My superlatives in high school were "witty" and "best humor." I know when to be serious but my house has always, and will always, be full of laughter. I can be very silly. And it's a deal breaker if I can't be sometimes. Because there are times I absolutely have to be. 

Mentorship. I taught my partner how to drive, often had her thank me for patience and "helping her understand" what she was trying to process. I also developed this mentor/mentee relationship during my time teaching college. And while I was approached a few times by those mentees, I was in a committed, monogamous relationship at the time and never explored the dynamic with them in any sexual ways. But there were certainly girls who followed up with me often for advice and to have someone to talk to. 

Structure. If you benefit from having someone assist with executive function, planning, and rituals, I am excellent at creating structure. And, once you are trusting enough to consent and see the benefits, enforcing that structure through rewards and gentle and loving correction.

Affection. I am a little sappy. I love calling someone I care about pet names. I've used very creative unique ones based on who my partner was, but am also partial  the classic "good girl" and "sweetheart". I love praising you while we're in the moment, as well as with little notes.( I used to make little sticky notes to pack in my last partner's lunch) . I enjoy stroking your hair, having your head in my lap or asking you to sit by my knee on a pillow, or sit in my lap while I hold you. I enjoy kissing and being kissed. Touching and being touched in sensual, comforting, teasing and playful ways. 

Ritual. I believe that rituals of connection are central to a successful dynamic and would build ones to keep us connected. Some examples of rituals I've built and employed include:

 

Watching cartoons on Saturday morning. I would wake her when it was time to get up, bowl of cereal and coffee in hand, and bring her to the upstairs playroom where I had a nostalgic movie or show from her childhood pulled up and ready to go. She'd sit in a beanbag at my feet with her head on my knee while I sat in an arm chair and we would eat our cereal and watch her show. 

When she struggled with sensory issues or self worth I wrote a mindfulness meditation script for her that would read to her at bedtime, her head on my shoulder as I stroked her hair and incorporated praise and growth messages into the script. 

I had other rituals like undressing when she got home, drawing baths, etc. 

I have also done things like help with desires for autonomy and friendship outside the relationship. I've set up my partner to have "play dates" with her friends where I arranged for them to go to pottery studios, historic house tours, etc. 

Age play is not a must for me (and stuff like diapers, and really serious LG play is not really in bounds for me). I do like destressing with "light and little" activities though. Sometimes I will even play along like a fun, daddy. 

But I think it would be potentially nice to have a middle (maybe 24/7 middle, maybe just during destress days) to host a movie night for. Make you snacks. Have a slumber party. Have a Friend or no friend over. You on the floor in pjs, me on the couch in robe and slippers or my work clothes, my pj's, or whatever gives you the right vibe. 

Fun: I am looking for a playmate in and out of the bedroom. While I want to explore all the fun ways we can please each other, I also believe in being best friends who play video games, board or role playing games, explore fun places, and the like together. I would love to write a collaborative story with you. Or create things with you. 

My dream sub (this is not a list you have to meet all of, but my ideal to give you an idea of what I'm looking for) 

Would want to work with me. I have  a fairly new but successful business that I would love to teach you all about so we could spend the whole day together working hard, but also being playful. We could tease each other and share lunch and I could mentor you about how the business works and praise you for all your contributions. However, if you have a job you like, I have also provided support and care to help a partner achieve her own professional goals. 

My ideal partner wants to show her appreciation with words, touch, and a desire to please in the bedroom. We would take turns seeing who could pamper the other more and get as much joy out of pampering as being pampered until it felt like it was always both our turns. 

My ideal partner might have an oral fixation or really enjoy being open to providing that form of pleasure. 

My ideal partner doesn't have to know what she likes yet, but she should be willing to let me help her explore so we can discover those things together. On her turn, she would let me set the context, give her the best lead up, and deliver exactly what I know she likes or explore discovering it. On my turn, she takes direction since I know how to say what I want. I've had a partner describe my scene as "being thoughtful, because you made me feel safe while telling me what you wanted." and that is what I would seek to provide to you too. 

My ideal partner wants to accept my care and provide feedback but is not overly critical if things don't go absolutely perfect in the structure I create. She would still see how much structure, care, and thoughtfulness I provide. We would have regular check ins about your goals. And I would ask for consent to use my methods to help with those goals. 

My ideal partner would call me Daddy, mister, sir, or a similar, natural honorific that shows me she sees I am taking care of her after I earned it. 

I love to cook and if you are longing for companionship we can cook together, if you are in need of structure I can plan the meals and we can alternate cooking and, sometimes, if you want to feel pampered with my full attention, I will cook, and on special reward days, invite you into my lap and feed you. 

Ideally we would read the same books and grow in the same direction by the influences we chose together. I would love to teach some of the citizenship and philosophy I learned during my time teaching. I believe partners need to feel like we're in it together and it's us against the world, and building a shared worldview will make us closer 

My dream would be for an average day to be: us waking up and showering together, making you breakfast while you finished getting ready, enjoying a quick bite, going to work together where we did a little divide and conquer or a little body doubling or playfully working on projects together. Maybe on a slow day we'd reach under each other's clothes just to make sure everything is still in the right place. I'd teach you how to do something new and then praise or gently correct you. We'd go home, share dinner, and then cuddle on the couch and watch our favorite show while you sat with your head or feet in my lap. After the show we'd stand outside to look at the stars or one of our other rituals to relax and destress (my last partner and I listened to ghibli music under a star projector with her head on my shoulder) . At bedtime I would undress you, make sure you got a chance to have something you enjoyed and then instruct you how to do the same for me. Then you'd rest your head on my shoulder and some nights I'd read to you just a little til you drifted off. Or hold you. Or whatever form of aftercare we figured out works best for our unique situation. 

Musts:

Must be open to giving and receiving regularly. Regular, intimate connection is important to fuel the type of dynamic I describe above. 

Potentially willing to build toward a longterm, committed relationship where we could count on each other showing up in our dynamic with accountability for our sides every day. 

I have 3 kids. (youngest 12 ). They will be a part of my life. I do not have room for jealously of them. Though, I very much dote on my romantic partner and have plenty of attention to spare. And can reassure you about that if you need. They are also smart and cool as hell. 

I am currently seperated from my partner and live in a state that legally requires couples have one year of seperation before divorces can be finalized. I cannot do anything about that law. I understand if you feel this is baggage. We would have be slow / low key until all the legal goings on are final. 

Fidelity, I will need to know I am your only partner if we decide we are going to be serious. I'm not opposed something like the scenerio I mentioned above with a girlfriend over for a slumber party with us occasionally (not a must either), but I'm not open to a real poly / open relationship. I want us to be able to count on each other's full attention and trust (when we get to that point where we decide we are exclusive). 

We should both be partners in a dynamic that makes us both want to rush home to each other / anticipate the other coming home because we are best friends and want to please each other. 

I am not open to a permanently long distance relationship or able to relocate due to my business and kids. We could begin distance or online, but if we saw our dynamic working, we would need to live together here in southeast US. 

Hard limits: scat/pee/spitting, rape, heavily sadistic impact play (a little spanking is fine), heavily degrading language on either side. I enjoy a little dirty talk (and listen to and record erotic audio) but I lean toward more wholesome. I stayed away from BDSM a long time because it didn't jive with me until I found about about soft BDSM... And that's what clicked rather than the usual BDSM image. 

Things we can explore if you like them that I know I enjoy: light bondage, cockwarming, orgasm denial/control, overstim, giving you multiple orgasms, dressing/undressing you, hypnotism/scripts, light spanking, body writing, choosing/buying your outfits in and out of the bedroom, recording audio together, whispering naughty things in each other's ears. 

More Kinks/preferences: Oral (especially receiving, not at all opposed to giving), you moaning or providing other clear feedback during sex, teasing and being teased, free use {you} , wake up sex (initiated by either), creating/playing kinky games.

 Occasionally, I might be open to playing switch in the right situation, but generally would be in a way that doesn't break the feel of the dynamic, but for example, providing a reward where you have control over some aspect you usually wouldn't. 

Trusting me with emotional and physical vulnerability is a huge on switch for my desire to intimately care for you. 

My type; cis female, generally cute. The more I have explored and talked to folks, the more I have learned that to really activate my Softdom caretaking and pampering buttons... That I have a thing for petite, shorties who can rest their head on my shoulder easier and who I csn easily pull into my lap or into my arms. I'm likely looking for someone younger than me since I am looking for someone to mentor and caretake. My experience puts who I might expect to be pulled toward me to be around mid twenties to mid thirties, but if my approach appeals to you, I'm not stuck on that age range. 

If you managed to read this far into this veritable NOVEL, I must have something that appeals to you. I know for some subs it's hard to make the first move, so I'll make it very easy. If this sounds like what you're looking for, just send me a message that says "I read your personal. I think I might want that. Where do we start?" and we can go from there.

41 [M4F] #va near #nc — 41 - Softdom caretaker professor looking for 24 /7 sub and best friend to mentor, dote on, and care for