Hate being told to man up

Dum rant but even as an adult I still have my dad telling me to man up, something he’d never say to my brother. Still have my brother calling me weak and shit. All my life growing up I was told and treated like I wasn’t a “proper man”, made me feel weak and pathetic. Funny thing is my dad is a lying and cheating bastard so if I’m not a real man what does that make him.

Truth is I know what I had to do to get to where I am today and all the hard-work and bravery that went into it. At the same time hate that those words can make me feel like such a shitty crying child again. Constant verbal and physical abuse and shit. And they wonder why I can be so timid around them