IVF pregnancy boundaries

One of my closest friends just announced that she’s 7 weeks pregnant after IVF, and I honestly could not be happier for her. She’s wanted this for YEARS, and I was so excited when she showed me the ultrasound. ❤️

She also shared some boundaries she’s planning on having, and I’ll be honest, they kind of surprised me. I’m hoping some people here can help me understand them better because I know I haven’t been through IVF and I don’t want to just view everything through my own perspective.

She and her husband already know the baby’s sex and have a name picked out, but they’re keeping both a secret until the baby is born. I totally understand not sharing the name. People can be super judgmental about names, spellings, etc. That one makes complete sense to me.

The baby’s sex is the one I’m having trouble wrapping my head around. Not because I think she owes anyone that information, because she absolutely doesn’t. I just personally don’t understand what keeping it private does for them emotionally, especially since everyone will find out once the baby is born anyway. Obviously, if that’s what makes them happy, that’s their choice. I’m just trying to understand the mindset behind it.

She also told me her mom called the baby “my grandbaby,” and apparently that really bothered her because she’s worked so hard for this baby and it’s her baby. Had her mom called it “my baby,” I would’ve totally understood why that crossed a boundary. But “my grandbaby” surprised me because… well… it literally is her grandbaby. 😂

She also mentioned that she’s hesitant to even have a baby shower because she doesn’t want people feeling entitled to the baby just because they bought a gift.

Again, I completely respect whatever boundaries she wants to have. I just realized I don’t naturally think that way, so it caught me off guard.
I’m genuinely not trying to judge her or convince her to do anything differently. I realized after our conversation that my immediate reaction was basically, “Huh… I don’t really get it,” and I don’t like that my brain immediately goes there when people do things differently than I would. That’s something I’m trying to work on.

For those of you who’ve gone through IVF, pregnancy after infertility, or even pregnancy in general, did you find yourself becoming a lot more protective or wanting to keep more things private? If so, what was going through your mind? I’d really like to understand it better so I can support my friend instead of just looking at it through my own lens.