Do I have internalized transphobia/misogyny?

Im 18FTM, and I saw in a comment section on one of my previous posts a trans woman said “in my opinion, a lot of our community’s high prioritization of passing comes from internalized transphobia.” And that word made me wonder if maybe I have some of that inside me, even though im trans myself.

This doesn’t happen anymore, but in middle school, I was quite transphobic, but only towards other trans men, never trans women. A couple of my friends started coming out as trans men and exploring their identities and changing their names, and I remember telling my mom that I thought it was “weird” and “stupid,” because in my (now atheist) 12yo hyper-mormon mind, gender confusion/dysphoria was just something you made up. But when I met a trans women or seen them online, I didnt have those same feelings. It was only towards trans men. Now that im older, I look back at that time and I wonder if I thought those things because of envy/jealousy/my own suppression of my identity out of shame because of my strict religion.

To piggyback on that shame, I had some online friends in middle school. I pretended to be a cis boy online, and in VCs, if my friends would ask why my voice was so high, i’d say “I used to be a transgender woman and I took estrogen, but not anymore, I detransitioned.” I would rather have been seen as a trans woman than a trans man back then. I think this part was mostly out of shame of my identity, but I wonder if shame and internalized transphobia can mix or ultimately be somewhat of the same thing.

This may be more on a question of internalized misogyny rather than transpbobia, but it’s been on my mind recently. For context, I was playing a game with my friend (overwatch) and I was talking about how much I dislike a character (Kiriko) and how she is annoying and should have less skins. My friend said to me “yeah, but you would be obsessed with her if she was a boy.” And that pissed me off because it’s true. For all my life I could hate a female character and think she’s annoying, but if she were a male, I would adore her. (This hate isnt with all female characters.) i think this could possibly relate to being trans and just feeling closer to the boy characters, but I don’t fully know.

I don’t know if I have internalized transphobia/misogyny or not, but I would like to work through some of what these thoughts could be from. I don’t have the same feelings anymore except for the 4th paragraph. Im proudly trans now and I proudly love and support my other trans brothers and I do not feel any ill feelings towards them anymore, but I would like to work through what some of these thoughts couldve been from so I can further continue to better myself.