How do I stop hating myself and being afraid?

Because of my childhood, I struggle with many self worth issues. I truly hate myself. I get so scared of being annoying and weird. However, I’ve recently realized that the very things I’m afraid of have been true. I was so desperately afraid of being annoying, that my constant worry had made me the annoying person I never wanted to be. And the same goes for multiple issues of mine. My life has always been a blur of constant sadness and loneliness, and now I’m realizing it’s my fault. I’ve become the annoying, lonely person I never wanted to be. Sometimes, I will get clarity for a day or two. How do I make that clarity last? How do I overcome my fears and stop hating myself. This is my true last chance. My best friend in the whole world had even said she’s started to think that maybe we’ve grown out of each other. But she had also said that she doesn’t want to give up on me, and that she knows the real me is in there somewhere. How do I find him? It’s wrong of me to make the choice for her, the choice of whether or not I deserve to be liked. This is truly my last chance. How do I start living and being my true self, not limited by fears and old trauma? How do I prove to her that she was right all along?