Is it weird to go on Grindr or wherever just tolook for someone who wants to cuddle me?

I'll try not to make this too bloated but I'm a really lonely person that just goes to the gym, work, then goes home to play instruments. I don't know if that matters but lately I just have a really hard time meeting people and relating to , making friends I don't know. I crave closeness but I have sexual anxiety out the ass from trauma. I've been in therapy for it and I'm doing Shadow work with a coach right now. I just really struggle with intimacy I only had a few short relationships in my life. I don't understand how men can just f*** each other after 5 minutes of meeting and then leave. It seems like that's all there is on Grindr and I respect it but I'm just anxious and socially awkward and just want on some nights for a guy to hold me and not expect anything out of me. Of course I would like to be sexual but I just shut down if I try to f*** on the first date, and yes I tried this on Grindr and it sucked for me. I wish I had energy to make this post more coherent but I just feel like barfing this into the gay Reddit universe.