Was this emotional abuse? Can't move on
Year 1: good, monthly hookups. Then he delayed disclosing an STI to not "ruin my holiday." When confronted recently, he denied the delay and implied I gave it to \\\*him\\\* — I tested negative.
1.5 years of breadcrumbing: no-shows, one hookup, repeat. I said I didn't want a relationship and acted light while hurt. Reached out after 4 months — he flaked again, bragged explicitly about a new partner, texts turned rude. Backed off for good in January.
Confronted him by text: blamed "work," gave a "sorry if you felt messed about" non-apology, no real answer for the stand-ups — just "it's my life," too busy, "didn't have time for my messages." Asked if he preferred another man: "we had good times but people move on."
When I raised the STI's health impact: "maybe you shouldn't get laid," compared me to a schoolchild pleading for friendship, called me too intense to be friends (while admitting he has no close mates). We agreed to casual contact but I couldn't do it — blocked him.
Red flags: called two exes people he "hadn't heard from in ages," phone off for weeks, secretive about work, particular about parking, annoyed when I showed him his public Instagram, claimed he lives with a sibling at his age.
Now: constant rumination, comparing myself to his type, imagining his validation, treating my sex life/appearance/achievements as things he might see, over-relying on friends for reassurance (it's straining them), can't even look at my own ethnicity because it's his type. I miss his touch and smile. How do I move on?
Posted Jul 27, 2026, 6:57 AM UTC