feel lost

before i even start , i know it’s gonna sound stupid, at least it does when i think about other people’s perspective on it.

i’ve known this girl at my work for over a year now , me and her ended up going out a few times but never took it to the next level although i wanted too. she told me she needed time and it wasn’t the right time for a relationship. fast forward to now, me and her have had multiple arguments and i guess disagreements on boundaries and it’s because i didn’t know how to handle them. I truly liked this girl and thought we had something but she’s told me numerous times nothing between us will happen. we use to talk a lot but now we don’t , we only talk at work but we are somewhat still close. today, i was walking with her outside and her someone came and picked her up for a few minutes. i asked who it was, she said it was her ex. I was kinda thrown off because her and her ex were only together for a few months before splitting and it was right before we started going out. I ended up getting upset due to the fact that she’s been seeming to lie to me for awhile and it just made me not want to speak to her for the rest of the day and i made it be known that i don’t feel the need to talk to her and just wanted to ignore her and go home. she came up to me after the fact and told me i couldn’t be upset at who’s she’s talking too, which is true, but she also made it very clear she enjoys our “friendship” if you want to call it that and talking to one another at work.

here i am now, writing this. I just feel like a complete loser. i don’t know why this is hurting me so badly, it’s just been weighing on my mind and i don’t know what to do. i’m still young , under 20 and i genuinely would rather leave my restaurant job and go somewhere better for me and my career just so i don’t have to talk to her again , but i know deep down i truly like her presence and i don’t know if i should just let this go and go back to how it was a few months ago or move on with life. I know im being petty but this is always how’ve ive been. I want to learn how to not let stupid shit affect me but i don’t know. it just sucks man.

sorry if it was embarrassing js needed a place to vent, have a good day everyone.