Questioning at 19. I’m not sure what I am.

(Posting this on the alt account I use to vent and whatnot.)

Hey everyone. So like the title says, I’m currently questioning if I’m genderqueer or cis. I’m really not sure.

I have never questioned my gender identity until now. I’m a cis woman and I have comfortably gone by she/her for all my life. I’ve never even questioned if I was trans. I never had to. I’ve never experienced gender dysphoria or anything. I guess until now?

I’ve realized that the thought of going by he/him makes me happy. Very happy, actually. So does the thought of going by they/them. Going by she/her is fine too for me. I really like the idea of going by everything. The thought of me being viewed as JUST a woman doesn’t make me happy. It feels super disappointing, honestly.

It’s so weird to explain, I probably won’t make sense trying to. I don’t want to be viewed as a woman or as a man, I just want to be viewed as a person that goes by all pronouns. Like someone can use she/her for me, but I don’t want to be viewed as a woman. Same if someone uses he/him. I’m very happy with the thought of being referred to as he/him, but at the same time I don’t want to be viewed as a man. Again this is so weird to explain and I probably don’t make sense but it’s what I feel.

Anyways, I’m asking because this is such a weird revelation for me. It’s very out of left field. Like I said, I’ve never questioned my gender until now. I’ve spent 19 years living as a woman and now I’m questioning my gender. I don’t know if this is a phase or what. It almost feels like I’m making a mockery of trans people. I’ve never experienced dysphoria or struggled with this part of my identity until now. Why now? Why so late?