i have so many mixed feelings about my ex and i don’t know what i should do? i’m

so me (20f) and my now ex (21m) broke up 5 weeks ago after dating for 11 months, and i just can’t handle all of my feelings. i really thought we were meant to be; everything about how we met, and started dating felt magical and meant to be. everyone (our close mutual friends and my best friend) told me we were perfect and that we matched each other, and they were right. we had similar interests and values, we wanted the same future, and we almost never argued. we always worked out a solution for both of us and problems were never substantial. our relationship wasn’t perfect and mental health was root of all of it, but overall we just fit together.

he broke up with me 5 weeks ago because he was struggling too much with his self image and mental health, and he hated how it was effecting me and our relationship. he told me it was all him and not me, and that i deserve better than what he can give me. i completely disagreed with him and tried to find a solution, and all of it makes me hate him but i also miss him more than anything. he seems to be having a great time while im miserable and it makes me so angry, but i also know that it’s not fair to think that. i hate him for leaving me because of things that don’t make sense. i want him back, i want him to hold me and i want to talk to him like we used too. i miss my best friend and i miss my boy.

ive been super depressed for a week now and i don’t know what im supposed to do. should i reach out or do i continue to give distance like we agreed? we’re not no contact but things are limited. i know that hes very avoidant, and im scared that trying to stay close and repair things between us would just push him farther. i feel like there’s room to fix things and that he somewhat feels the same way but im not sure when the timing would be right? i know i deserve good treatment which isn’t what i was getting but i also know he’s capable of it and i never want to move on. i still love him and i dont know if ill ever stop.

i’m really sorry if this is too long or messy but any advice would be greatly appreciated.<3 thanks everyone.