Im creepy

I had a best friend for probably 10 years. We could talk about anything. But we got into huge fights. Stupid fights. He would say hurtful things and i would lash out. And i was worried about him and made his life my business. He was 28 and never had a job, I was scared what would happen if his parents couldn't take care of him anymore. I told him that I would contact him in a year. I needed space. I blocked him. I thought about him every day.

Two years later​, I text him. No response. I try several times more over the course of a year and a half. Maybe once a month. Mostly just "saw this and thought of you", or "im in town and wanted to know if youd like to speak" or "im sorry for doing what I did'. Never got response. Invited him to my wedding via text. I dont know if he ever got my texts. It's empty. I accidentally (yes im serious, i have another friend with the same name) called once and it went to a voicemail but it wasnt his voice old one.

Today I googled him, he may have gotten a new number. I texted it. Basically said, "if this is you, id really like to talk. If you want me to leave you alone or stop messaging, please let me know and ill respect it." I hate how creepy i am. But it's like i am stuck in limbo.

Just to throw this out there, id never show up at his house unannounced. Thatd be crossing a line, for sure. He deserves safety and privacy in his home from me just showing up.

Im in therapy and have a lovely salad of diagnosis including ADD, Bipolar Disorder ii, OCD, Anxiety, and autism. I think i need to up dosage for my ocd medication.

I get stuck on people. Old friends. It is really hard.

If anyone has the same issues as me, i want to know i am not alone.