I should but I don’t

I should hate you but I don’t. I dedicated almost 20 years of my life to you. Thought you were my person. But it was a lifelong play for you. You were always in character to play the right part at the right time. In hindsight the pure definition of narcissistic. Master manipulator. I gave up every boundary I had “for love”. I should hate you but I don’t. I feel sorry for you. That as child you never got to be loved and grew up using and abusing women. The truth seeps out over time slowly like molasses out of a tree. Me realizing it was never “love”, I was just a character for you to use and abuse in your lifelong play. I should hate you but I don’t. The way your abused me to “fulfill your fantasy” when in reality your just hiding your sexuality. Playing the part of a man’s man when you really just want a man. I should hate your but I don’t. I’m made it out. I’m free from you. I’m free from the abuse and torment. But you live a lie everyday and for that I feel sorry for you because you’re trapped and I’m free. Because of that I don’t hate you even though I should.