Long term sufferers of this - how have you coped? After 4 years, my ability to keep holding on is getting less and less

I don’t know how I’m going to survive more and more years of this. missing out on my favorite holidays, the feeling of summer turning into fall, the way the light hits your eyes on winter morning, the smell of coffee in the morning, the way my dogs fur feels against my skin, my birthday, my family memories, my ability to experience milestones, holidays, etc.

im crying as i write this because i feel trapped in my body, like im a ghost. It feels like my brain has been damaged and there’s no way back. it’s unbelievable and impossible to describe to someone that you haven’t felt holidays, seasons, time passing, the world around you in many years and that you’re just expected to keep going on this way for many more. I have only gotten worse, not better. I don’t know how you ever get out of this when you have severe trauma. my mind has locked away all my memories and the things I love. I can’t even feel love or connection with others. I’m so alone and isolated. I don’t know, I don’t know how to cope with this. it seems like most people that have it for many years just learn to deal with it, but I don’t want to live like this. I miss everything about myself so deeply, but my nervous system is afraid of life itself now. I’m trapped