Just wanted to let you know about my life

So guys
I will tell you like what all has been happening in my life
So you guys might fell like he is doing all this shit for attention or messages or u can call it anything
But no guys I just want to write It down
It will be a long one if possible please read :)
So I will begin
I m like totally fine with how my life has been like I got everything that others pray for
Not easy way
I did it hard way
And you know I fell like having all this stuff is nth cuz no one is there with me to tell them
Because in my life I have been lonely from starting
You know you won’t remember your early years like when you were that 1-4 years old kids
But I remember everything from
That time also
I had no one to play with I used to go in road and play with sand alone it was fine
I came to 1st grade and in that time also no friends
Again alone
2nd grade same thing
Till 7 grade I used to do every thing alone
I watched from distance like how others enjoy
Then I questioned god like don’t I deserve that treatment did I do smth wrong in previous life
May be I deserve this
And from that time I was like I deserve this
But in 7 grade people actually talked to me
I didn’t know how to react like what to say
I just was existing for them
Like when I needed notes I won’t get cuz they think I m too dumb
Same my family
My father used to beat me with everything which he can find
No one was ever nice to me but I was to everyone
Cuz somewhere I feel that others don’t deserve to feel like this like why should they
I couldn’t leave school for one day cuz I knew no one will help me with anything and my father or my family won’t give a damm about my health or anything so I went in fever or not well still I went
In 8th there was Covid so that year I only got beaten by my parent so that year was hell cuz school was a way for me to be fine
In 9th it was the best one ( at least I thought)
In that time I meet a girl for the first time I thought someone cared about me
We started talking and out of nowhere she proposed me
Like I was so Surprised that a person like me can get love or deserve to get love it was like heaven for me
Everything was fine
But she started to change
You know why I was too nice to her
She even told me that stop being nice to me
I didn’t fight with her cuz I feared she will leave me
And at the end she did in class 10th somehow I was holding our relationship
I was giving her everything
Like flower saving money buying her gifts and other stuff
I didn’t even eat cuz I saved money for her
I did every possible thing to make her happy
But guys you know like she had a affair with other boy
She was double dating
I was just a option as always
Her bf called me and told thanks for the chocolate I and she eated together
I was heart broken
Still I didn’t told her I was like maybe just maybe she can see how much I love her
But I was wrong
They used to go and date
But whenever I tried like can we go and eat ice cream or smth she everytime said
No my parents won’t allow
So I was like fine cuz I trusted her with my everything
You know like what worse can someone treat you
Like she came with him and they started to laugh at me
Like look at him such a ugly person
No money only cheap gifts and all
No bike or scooty
No phone
No face
No fashion sense
Doesn’t even know how to make me mad
I was like 💔🙂
I smiled and wished them a happy life together
I was not mad I was just sad
Cuz somewhere I knew this will happen cuz god can’t see me too get love this much
I went and said god
Fine god your wish maybe this is my karma from my past
Then everything got back to as it was
No one talked cuz she said I cheated
I disrespected her
I didn’t even want to clarify cuz that won’t work or change anything
Then came 10 end
She came back to me
Crying that he cheated he did that all lot of stuffs
So I called her bf talked he threatened me that he will do this that to me
I was like do anything u want to do to me
But let her go and be happy
Cuz he was abusive
I somehow managed everything
And he was like fine
She then came closer to me again
I was hesitant 😐
But you know how love is
We again talked she was much nicer now
But but again she got back with him
I didn’t knew until I saw her message jn insta
I guess he gifted her smth costly at that time maybe makeup kit or something I don’t remember
Then I saw like her behaviour started to change again
And she used to scold me shout at me
Tell
Me lot of things like I m not good etc etc
I was like fine I deserve this
I again begged to stay with me
I did a lot of stuff to make her happy everything possible that I could think of
Like I didn’t know how to draw I learned to draw for her
I didn’t know how to make organic stuff I learned to make flower
Cuz only these things I could effort at that time
Rest I will tell in next part
I m not well sorry guys