I don't want to have sex anymore

Hi Reddit, I'm unsure if this is the right subreddit for this so please just ignore this post if it's not.

So I (F,20) and my boyfriend (M,21) have been together for almost 4 years now. When we first started dating, we very quickly started having sex and did so multiple times a week. We both still live at home and see eachother about 4-7 days a week. In the beginning, we had sex at least 3 times a week, often even multiple times for multiple hours at a time a day. We were super hormonal horny teenagers, of course we had sex like rabbits..

After the first year, our frequency in sex declined and we were having sex up to twice a week. Which I guess is still pretty "normal" as the relationship progresses.

Little side note: I used to be really fit and toned, hitting the gym multiple times a week and eating clean. However my life has gotten more stressful, so I'm hardly going to the gym atm and I've also gained some "happy relationship weight". My boyfriend is going through the exact same thing, though I want to point out, that this has no impact on my attraction towards him.

Since about 2 years now I struggle extremely with intimacy. When I think about sex, I think about how long and how physically demanding it is. We are by no means overweight but it's still exhausting. I know I could just do the starfish and let my boyfriend do all the work but I do not want that. I want him to feel good and spoiled too. I also do not really get horny anymore, due to these thoughts. The only thing we do together is masturbating while watching porn or dirty talking, sometimes doing oral. It takes me extremely long to really get horny and furthermore wet for penetration. He however is hard after one kiss. (Which i do not blame him for, I just wanna point out the differences) Since he's really big too, getting it in takes several minutes if not longer and is often painful for me.

I have to add that I often experience outbreaks of bacterial vaginosis, which is also why we have had multiple periods without sex. I've been to my doctor multiple times. but whenever I finally manage to get it over with and we have sex again, the BV also starts again. As for my libido: I switched my birthcontrol twice. I specifically stated that I need something for my libido, but it doesn't help. We're both just working part time and can't afford sexual therapy..

I really love my boyfriend and I wish we could have sex again, but i feel like my throat is closing whenever i think about it. I don't know why.

He used to often ask for sex but since my answer is almost always no, he's stopped. We had a lot of heartfelt conversations about this and he told me he wanted me to ask him for sex too sometimes, since he doesn't feel desired by me anymore. I really feel horrible about this. He has never pressured me to do anything and always treats my "No" as No, but he has expressed that sex is very important to him in a relationship. When we haven't had sex in a while (usually around 2 weeks) and he goes home after a hangout, he'll say things like "ig no sex again.." in a joking way, which makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty. Or when we masturbate he'll say how badly he wants to fuck me which leaves me in this same uncomfortable state...

I've also noticed that when we do have sex, I subconsiously try to make him cum as fast as possible. Like yeah of course I want him to feel good but obviously he doesn't want to cum in 5 minutes. I sometimes wish we were in our 40s and it would be "normal" to have less sex because we're working and have children and so on.. I think I've started to see sex as a chore that needs to be done as fast as possible every couple days, but stopped to truly enjoy it. Which is sad because I think we always had fantastic sex, we tried every position that comes to mind, had sex in the car, kitchen, shower etc.., tried kinks, roleplaying, threesomes, anal and whatever.. TMI sorry.

I want to spend my life with this man. I truly enjoy his company and like him as a partner but I can't figure out why our sex life is the way it is. I mean it doesn't have to be all the time but I just wish it would be once in a while that I am really, actually horny and want to enjoy our sex like I used to.

After scrolling through this sub a bit, I realize this seems minor compared to some couples here going years without sex (not shaming anyone, just acknowledging) but I seriously need advice too.

I know this is really long and appreciate everyone who read this. I am looking for honest advice, please help me here.