Coping with lonliness

2 yrs ago i used to be the popular girl in my high school and then i fought with my frdgrp and ideally v were supposed to patch up but i cudnt deal with them ditching me like that so i nvr went back, we r js frds now n im at school alone and in these 2 yrs ive learnt to deal w stuff on my own and i dont even get attached to ppl alot anymore. Its js that im so used to it that my own company doesnt affect me anymore.

Recently my cousins came for a week in my hometown after 8 long yrs and i had the time of my life with them, id nvr felt like this in a long time but since after they left i went back to feeling empty n lonely, like i had to learn being alone all over again.

My parents too are disappointed in me bec of my grades and sports n all and i feel like im such a disappointment. I mean y am i like this? My family does so much for me n i dont even do the bare minimum

And no matter what i wont lose my self respect n go back to ppl who have wronged me but at the end of the day i just wish i had somebody to atleast speak to cuz i dont rlly trust any1 anymore.. and even tho ik i wud never hurt myself or suicide i feel like ppl wud love me more if i js wasnt here uk cuz no1 speaks bad abt a dead person.

Leaving evth apart even when i want to js take a break from evth i feel like i dont hv time for it, and that i shudnt lose to my temporary feelings and instead work for what i want in life