2. Parking lot

27th July 2026

Entry 3

Someone is skimping on the icing on my vanilla slice roll, and it’s my favourite part. I wonder who it is, or if the company has brought in stricter, saving cost measures. Measures that mean less icing and less fun for me.

It is 5PM, I just finished work and I am sitting in the car in my parking lot. Sorry, in my car in the parking lot. I am tired. I had a good work day. I had another nightmare about him last night. I woke up not in a good state, never do I wake up in a happy way these days.

I thought about what I should do tonight since this is a fight to be better. To save my life. Maybe I should exercise. Maybe I should do stretches and read a book. Text back the people I haven’t and should. Hell, study. I haven’t studied in so long.

And then I wonder if all that is really a good idea. I am, after all, exhausted. Where is that line between working hard and burning yourself out?

Run or die? Clean or die? Read or die?
The former seems better in every case, which gives me hope.
I am afraid that if I push myself too far I will snap into zombie mode and be incapacitated for days. Like a self-induced coma, where I have my eyes open and I walk around but cannot feel, cannot take any of it in. Just existing.

I need to go. Buy food for my pets.

I still don’t know which way to go.

All my thoughts,

S